“I promise never to leave again... if Jane stays,” Reuben stated quietly.
Thomas inhaled sharply, his gaze rising to Jane’s face, as though he was just seeing her for the first time. Jane stared back, feeling all the yearning and need she had ignored for days bubble up to the surface and threaten to smother her. She did not know whether to feel devastated or thankful when Thomas looked away first, refocusing his attention on Reuben.
“We cannot keep her here, Reuben. You like her a lot, don’t you?” Thomas asked Reuben patiently.
When the child nodded, Thomas inhaled sharply, as though he had imagined receiving a different answer and now he was not sure what to do with the response he had gotten.
“Well, when you like someone – or if you care about them, you want the best for them. You’d like them to be happy and at peace, not just around you, but with themselves as well. Jane is not happy here. So – it would not be right for us to keep her to ourselves, just because we want her to stay,” Thomas explained patiently, holding onto Reuben’s hands.
The child’s eyes filled with tears again and Thomas looked devastated at the sight, quickly lifting the child into his arms.
“There, there,” he muttered, the action sinking deep into Jane’s mind because she was certain he had learned to do that from her. “It will be all right, Reuben. We’ll be –”
“Thomas,” Jane interrupted softly, reaching out to pat Reuben’s back in hopes of comforting him. “We should talk. Alone, please.”
Thomas nodded, tightening his hold on Reuben momentarily.
“All right. I’ll just set him down to rest. I imagine he’s quite exhausted, after the day he’s had.”
Jane nodded and watched Thomas carry Reuben up the stairs to his room, leaving her to wonder not for the first time if she had done the right thing by leaving.
She had expected Reuben to be upset, but not to this magnitude. And Thomas... he appeared to have not slept much in the last few days. She was having a hard time as well, and it begged toquestion if holding up the terms of their deal was worth their collective suffering.
Jane made her way to the duke’s study, unable to settle down once she arrived, so she decided to stand by his desk. It was quite messy and since she was too anxious to wait calmly, she began to arrange some of his documents. She did not know what order to put them in and had no intention of giving him more work, so she did her best to declutter the surface without taking anything away.
As she was putting the papers together into a neat stack, she came across a document that caught her attention. She had it in her hand for a moment, only able to notice a single word before Thomas arrived and she straightened and added the papers to the pile.
“My apologies. He was quite exhausted – like I assumed he would be and he fell asleep almost immediately. I wanted to make sure he was all right, so I lingered for a moment,” Thomas said as he approached her.
Jane nodded, barely hearing what he said over the echoing of the word in her mind.
Annulment.
Although she had expected it, seeing the official document for the process disheartened her, as much as it confused her. Did he not already finish the process? If he had not... what reason did he have for the delay?
“You wished to speak to me?” he inquired, gesturing at her to sit.
But she refused to do so, remaining standing as a question burst out of her.
“Why did you not send for me? When you noticed Reuben was missing?”
Tomas faltered, then his form deflated.
“I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with us. You had been intent on leaving and I – I depended on you too much. I hoped that I could be able to find him myself and prove that I was useful to him. Of course, we can clearly see that hubris will not get us anywhere but... I really only wanted to keep my mess out of your life, Jane. That’s all.” He told her sincerely.
Jane inhaled deeply, feeling too tired and wound up to be delicate about what she wanted to say.
“I'm in love with you, Thomas.”
The announcement seemed slow on the uptake, because at first, he stared at her blankly. Then, as the news sank into his mind, his eyes widened and his jaw lowered.
“What –”
“I love you, Thomas, so much. But I do not wish to relinquish control over my own life. It has always been my biggest fear – getting married and relying so heavily on my husband that my sense of self is inevitably lost. I have fought hard, to be a strongly minded person, and I am not willing to trade it for a feeling that might be one sided. I will not be a mindless creature that follows your every command, practically forgetting that I am alive as well,” she stated firmly.
Thomas was silent at first, then his eyebrows twisted together in mirth and a laugh escaped his lips, sounding a tad surprised.
“Jane, you could never be a mindless creature if you tried. And that is precisely why I succumbed to your charm,” he chuckled, his words tinged with amusement and sincerity. “You are more than just your lovely face, my dear. You are headstrong, stubborn and feisty, as well as smart, thoughtful and caring in ways I can only hope to emulate. I love you for all of those qualities and for who you are at your core. Everything we did – giving me your body does not mean you have been stripped of your control. Quite the opposite, actually. I love you too, Jane, so much – as much as I have never had any control over you.”
