And now, he had surrendered the one person who had made him want to live again. It had only been a few hours since her departure, yet he was already falling apart. How was he meant to survive her absence?
Eventually, he poured himself a glass of whiskey and allow the burn down this throat to numb his mind for a moment. Then he took the bottle and glass with him back to his desk.
He remained there for most of the day, surprisingly conducting his affairs better than he assumed he would be able to. He was certain this hardworking side of his would fade as soon as the sun set, but he wished to remain distracted for as long as possible.
Thomas pressed forward, urging his eyes to study documents and willing his mind not to wander. He lost himself to the process and nearly did not notice when the door to his study fell open, glancing up to meet the gaze of his son.
For a moment, he simply stared at Reuben, blinking slowly as he began to wonder why the child was there. Reuben glanced around the room, then peered under the desk as though he was looking for something.
Moments later, his nanny arrived at the door of the study.
“My Lord, I have told and begged you several times not to leave me so suddenly – oh! My apologies, Your Grace. He slipped away from me and I could not catch him fast enough,” Miss Becker apologized, looking as though her life force had depleted.
Thomas shook his head as he watched Reuben walk around the desk to where his father was, only for him to ignore the duke in favor of looking behind the desk.
“What... what is he doing?” Thomas asked, confused and almost amused.
Miss Becker glanced at the child, her expression dimming as she replied,
“I believe he is searching for the duchess, Your Grace. He’s been like this since breakfast.”
Thomas felt his heart shatter again. He had been so caught up in his own feelings, he failed to consider how Reuben would react when he learned of Jane’s departure.
Clearing his throat, Thomas reached for Reuben, tugging him closer gently.
“She is not here, Reuben. You won’t find her here,” he said calmly.
Reuben frowned for a moment, then he stared up at Thomas intently, as if he was asking where she was.
“She’s gone back to her home, Reuben. It’s just us now. Like before. But I am here with you, all right. Whatever you might need, let me know and I will provide.”
Reuben shook his head defiantly, and Thomas tried not to take the rejection personally. The boy narrowed his eyes and his father recalled when Jane had told him that Reuben was trying to be heard without speaking.
“You will be able to hear what he thinks and feels just as easily if he had spoken if you only looked at him. Give him some attention and let his thoughts reach you,” she instructed once.
And looking at his son now, Thomas could hear the question in his mind clearly.
When will she return?
Thomas smiled sadly, reaching out to pat Reuben’s hair as he forced himself to speak the truth.
“I do not know. I am not sure she will be.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Isuspected thing might be bad, but I decided to give you the benefit of doubt. I see now that I was wrong to do so,” Edward remarked dryly as he wandered into Thomas’ study.
Thomas sighed in annoyance, pointing at the door grimly.
“Leave, at once. I have neither the time nor patience to deal with you today.”
Edward tutted, waving a hand in the air dismissively.
“You never have any patience to deal with me, which is why we are fantastic friends. As for time, you certainly have plenty, seeing how you are intent on wasting away here.”
Thomas could not find it in him to refute the statement, because he could tell, based on how he felt and definitely looked, that he was a mess.
The last week had been the most difficult one of his life. He was finding it hard to cope without Jane, and it showed clearly, seeing as he had been unwilling to spend anytime anywhere other than his study.
