Carrie kept the meeting going while my lawyer looked things over. “I assume we’ll have another meeting to discuss custody arrangements, so there’s not much to talk about except whether you’d like to go to my next appointment. They’ll take an ultrasound and listen for the baby’s heartbeat. You can come if you’d like.”
“You want me there?” Hope flared in my heart.
“No. Not at all. But I know how devastated I’d be if I couldn’t go to any of my child’s appointments. Even as mad at you as I am, I couldn’t do that to you.”
“Thank you. It’s more than I deserve.”
***
When I walked into the mediation room for our next appointment to discuss custody arrangements, Carrie was laughing and talking with both her lawyer and the mediator. Her blonde curls bounced, her brown eyes twinkled, and she was wearing a pretty wrap dress that was elegant yet showed off her perfect curves. I stared at her, drinking in how beautiful she was. Now that she had gotten past the first trimester, she was glowing, and I was so glad she was feeling better.
I stood and watched her for a moment.
She was the type of woman who really cared about people. They sensed it and often shared details about their lives with her. I could see now that she was listening intently to her lawyer. He seemed to be telling her something personal, and I could tell she really cared about what he was saying.
Madison would’ve interrupted him to tell him something about herself. Or to remind him that he worked for her.
For the thousandth time, I wondered how I could’ve taken leave of my senses. I’d had a wonderful woman. She was beautiful, kind, smart, interesting, funny—the whole package. I’d thrown her away for a woman who’d already shown me who she really was years ago when she practically left me at the altar.
I sighed and walked into the room, drawing their attention.
I said hello to everyone and then sat next to my lawyer.
Mrs. Johnson got started as soon as I’d gotten settled in my seat. “I understand that the two of you have already agreed about doctor’s appointments before the baby is born. We just need to discuss the birth of the baby and custody plans.”
“I would like to be at the hospital for the birth of the baby,” I spoke up.
“You can be there when the baby is born, but not in the room with me,” Carrie said.
I wanted to push back. I had visions of me holding her hand while she pushed our baby into the world. But I think she’d rather cut my arm off than hold my hand at the moment, so I knew I was being unrealistic.
“It’s a deal.” Maybe somewhere along the course of the pregnancy, she’d start to at least let me in as a friend. I pictured us eating at some of our favorite little cafes in town before or after appointments.
When I looked up, she was shooting daggers at me with her eyes. “I don’t want your mother or Olive around me at all during the birth process. They can meet the baby as long as I’m there, but that’s it.”
“Understood,” I said. “That’s not a problem at all. I don’t really want them around much, either.”
Her eyes softened. “Of course, Bryce and Celia are as welcome as my family is.”
I smiled at her, thankful that she didn’t think all the Caldwells were complete assholes.
My lawyer spoke up. “Regarding custody, my client wants joint custody after the point when Ms. Crenshaw is no longer breast feeding the baby. Before that point, he requests visitation three times a week.”
Carrie leaned over and said something to her lawyer.
“We’ll agree to the weekly visits while my client is breastfeeding as long as Mr. Caldwell travels to Indigo Falls to see the baby.” His face changed. “As for joint custody, my client is not willing to agree to a fifty-fifty split. It’s important to her that her child grows up in Indigo Falls and makes use of the public school system here in town. She doesn’t want the child having to go back and forth between two schools. She’s willing to have primary custody, with you having two weekends a month, two major holidays a year, and one month in the summer.”
I gaped at her. That’s all I would see my child? “That won’t work for me.”
Mrs. Johnson said, “Did you have something else in mind besides joint custody?”
I didn’t. My lawyer ducked his head to talk to me quietly. “I don’t think you’re going to get much better than what they’re offering without moving to town.”
“I never left town. I still live here.”
Carrie’s eyes shot to mine. “You’restillhere? Why would you stay?” she blurted out.
I looked down, not knowing whether to be truthful or not. I decided to just be honest. I’d done enough lying. I locked eyes with her. “I wanted to be close to you. Even if we weren’t talking or seeing each other. Sleeping in the bed we slept in? Living in the house we chose together? It’s almost like having you with me. I… I hold your pillow every night while I sleep just to pretend you’re still with me.”
