“No,youwon’t commit. Your father is in your head.”
“Don’t blame your inability to be with me on him.” I lift my chin and fold my arms. With calm certainty, I defend my dad. “At least he practices what he preaches. What do you do? Let your dreamspass you by because you are too scared to take them.”
He snarls, then shakes his head.
“It’s true! Maybe you don’t want to admit God is real and giving you blessings. Because then you would be wrong.”
“That’s not why I don’t believe. I didn’t finish the story.”
An eerie darkness fills the room. The hairs prickle on the back of my neck. He hesitates for a moment, but continues.
“My mother and I went to see your dad before your old church opened. She wanted to wish him the best even though he screwed us over. That’s the kind of woman my mother was. We found his office, opened the door, and guess what, church girl? Your perfect daddy was getting blown. Not by your mom.”
The world around me goes silent. I can see Jack, but everything else blurs. I try to picture what he is saying, but I can’t. Not my dad.
“No,” I whisper.
“Your dad’s a cheater, Morgan. My mom and I left fast. We piled in the car where my dad and brothers were waiting. She was hysterical and ordered me to be quiet. I still told Noel and my dad. They couldn’t believe it. The car was loud. That’s when I said the unthinkable. I pressured my mom to blackmail your father’s cheating ass. I told her to expose him if he didn’t leave town. What’s worse to snooty donors? Tattoos, or an adulterer?”
I’m nauseous and run to the sink. Vomit floods from my mouth, splashing against the cold steel.
When I finish, I rinse my mouth and watch the bile swirl down the drain. Then I lean back, using the counter for balance.
Jack watches me. He isn’t angry anymore. The gleam in his eyes only reflects pity and something else.
“That’s why I don’t believe. We crashed seconds later. I begged God to save her. I said I was sorry and didn’t mean it. I still did it. I told my mother to blackmail a pastor.”
I can’t say anything. I’m too overwhelmed.
His hands drop to his sides. “Everything I’ve ever loved has been taken from me since. If there is a God, he won’t stop punishing me, but then again, your father is a sinner and he’s on top of the world.”
Razor blades scrape my throat as I speak.
“You’re lying.”
“I didn’t want to tell you, Morgan, but you won’t drop this conversion shit. It’s like you don’t live in reality. The one where your father isn’t perfect, and neither am I.”
I grab my keys from the counter and rush past him, slamming the door shut as I step into the night.
I race down the highway in the truck. Tears streak my face. I am outraged. I thump the steering wheel again and again. Soon, I pull into the church parking lot. I’ll pray the lies away. I hurry inside, march down the auditorium, and kneel below the giant cross.
With every ounce of strength I have, I swallow my pride and pray for Jack, who just accused an innocent man of something too terrible to fathom. I pray he will be forgiven for speaking blasphemy. For beingscared and selfish. For hurting me in a grand and merciless way. I pray and pray until the anger slowly slips away. Until my tears dry and hands no longer shake.
Then, I drag myself to a stand and head back through the long corridors of a church my father built. A brand-new megachurch. This isn’t a bad thing. This place brings people together every week. It saves souls.
I hear a voice near a break room. Something drops.
Did Jack follow me?
I round the corner and—
My vision tunnels.
My father and Blake... kissing.
My fingers tremble as I cover my mouth. My eyes won’t blink. I cannot breathe.
Not because of the kiss.
