Another two weeks pass, and one night, I awaken alone.
Hmm.
In a sleep fog, I stumble out of bed.
No Jack.
I check the house until I find him in the living room sitting on the couch, hands in his hair. His elbows rest on his knees and he stares at the floor.
“Jack, what are you doing?”
He jolts to a stand. “Uh. Nothing.”
I shake my head, mad. I’ve tried everything. I tried working with him to show I care. I give him my body and it doesn’t work anymore. I tellhim I love him freely despite his unwillingness to say it back. I hate that he won’t go to church for me. And I am tired of compromising. My last option is the only option.
“I’ve had enough.” I rush over to him. “You need God. We need to pray about this. You should be happy because we are together, but you’re not.” I sniffle back angry tears and take his hands with force.
“Morgan,” he says.
“Pray with me. Dear God, we ask—”
“Stop,” he growls.
“We ask that you help Jack—”
He thrusts my hands downward, breaking our connection. “Fuckingstop, Morgan.”
Out of nowhere, a rage so powerful overcomes my body. An anger I’ve never felt before. It burns so hot, my skin flashes with a sheen of sweat.
As though they’re not my own, my fists pummel against Jack’s chest, relentless and wild.
He blocks my unhinged attack easily, but I’m inconsolable. My knees give out and I fold to the carpet, sobbing.
“Why can’t you love me?” I cry through my fingers. “Why can’t you believe for me? Believe that God gave me to you! To love you!”
Jack stares down at me, his eyes narrow and nostrils flare, but he doesn’t talk. We both know the devastating truth. Jack doesn’t want to believe. He’s an atheist to his core.
“You hate me. You hate my religion, don’t you? That’s why you hate my father. Don’t lie! For once, tell me the truth. Just speak! Useyour words.”
I know I’m being mean. Cruel even. I don’t care. I feel like I already lost him, and it’s ripping my heart to shreds.
He stays calm and replies, his tone low and somber.
“You wanna know? Fine, church girl. Your shit-dad moved to my town. He bought the land next to our church. My mother begged him not to and asked him to build somewhere else. Be fair about it. He didn’t. He wanted to close our church and use the space for parking.”
My tears stop as the claim sinks in. “He wouldn’t.”
“How would you know? You hadn’t moved to this town, yet. That’s what your dad does. He builds bigger and bigger churches. He doesn’t care if the smaller ones have to close their doors.”
“No. My dad would’ve told me!”
“Oh?” Jack laughs darkly. “You put that man on a pedestal like he’s God and always do whatever he says.”
“I do not!”
“Then why does the world think you’re still engaged to Blake?”
My jaw hinges open. I search for words. Finally, I spit out, “Because you won’t commit.”
