The corner of her lip turns up. “Don’t look at me like that. You were your family’s rock. You did that. You supported them, and you’re dealing with your emotions the only way you know how. But maybe when you start to feel those emotions creeping up and taking over, take a minute and know that I’m here for you. I’m your support person, so talk to me... lean on me and I’ll be there to help you through it the best way I can because you...” She leans in and presses a tender kiss on my lips. “Rage, you’re an amazing person. You make me feel on top of the world, and I’ve never been as happy just spending time with someone as I am with you. My confidence is coming back, and that’s allbecause of you making me realize that I am worthy. You, Rage, are worthy too.”
There’s a deep ache in my chest; fuck—she’s making me all emotional. I better not cry like a little bitch, but jeez, I’m feeling a bit choked up. I’m stoked that I’ve made her happy, but I guess I’ve never looked at it from that perspective.
She runs more soothing strokes up and down my arm. Just her touch, her voice... it brings me a level of peace I’ll never understand.
“I can see that what your father did has affected you greatly and shaped you into the person you are today, but you’re much more than this angry fighter you make out to be. I think in time you’ll learn to control your emotions, and hopefully”—she cringes—“stop fighting.”
I freeze. “I can’t do that.”
Her eyes widen. “And why is that?”
She thinks I have a choice. I guess I do, but I refuse to let my family down. “Everyone in the club has a role. If I don’t fight, I’m no one, and I refuse to be useless, and how will I have enough money to help my mom out when she needs it?” Just the thought makes my chest constrict. I’m a man now. I’ve got to do what it takes to look after my family, both the club and my mom and brother.
Her face is pinched, and I just know I’m going to get my ass handed to me. “First,” she says with sass, “you are never no one. The club values you as a person, not because you win fights. I’m sure you make them money, but I have no doubt they were making money before you came to the clubhouse. Second, that you are looking after your mom and brother shows what a good man you are. Do you earn money from the club outside the fights?”
“Yes,” I mumble.
Her eyebrows draw in. “Does that not cover the money you send your mom?”
My mother. I love her, but she’s stubborn. “I offer money to my mom all the time. She only accepts it when she really needs it and keeps trying to pay me back, but I don’t let her. So, yes, my money would cover it. But what if one day it can’t?” That thought upsets me. “My mom’s gone through enough. I won’t let her or my brother struggle another day, not if I can help it.”
She frowns. “I can tell you they wouldn’t want to see you suffer in pain in a fight because of it either.”
Well, damnnn... she just put me in my place. “I know you’re right.”
She gives me an I-told-you-so look.
“Mom used to hate me fighting at school. As I grew older, she worried more and I could see the hurt in her eyes when she looked at my bruised face. So I stopped going around there after club fights. She just thinks I joined the MC and doesn’t know any better. She’d be devastated seeing me fighting again.” I exhale a heavy sigh. “But it’s all I’ve ever known, and it’s what I’m good at. Fighting makes me feel better, so I’ve never given it another thought.” My lip quirks. “Not until some sexy cougar came into my life wearing a wedding dress and having me questioning my life choices and pushing me to be a better person.”
She’s it for me. No one will ever compare to her. I can’t imagine it feeling any better than this. I like that she questions me—hell, I need it. I’m not always right, and I need someone firm to tell me when I’m fucking up and how I can be a better person. In only one conversation, talking about my family, she made me think about what I went through and that maybe I’m not working on things in a healthy way and that’s why I’ve never felt better.
No one’s ever really seemed interested in asking questions about my life. Cash is one of the only people I’ve ever opened upto. I told him my story, and Reaper knows some too, but they never pushed or dug deeper. They were just there to listen when I needed it.
But Rose... she’s different. She’s so much more.
She says I make her feel seen, but what she doesn’t realize is that she’s the only person who’s ever mademefeel seen too.
“I don’t want to pressure you, but I want you to know, whatever we’ve got going on, I’m in this for the long haul. I hardly know you—it’s crazy, I get it—but I’ve never been so sure about anything.”
Her grin spreads, and so does mine. Hope rises that she feels the same.
Her eyes soften as she looks at me adoringly. “I like you too.”
An odd feeling of warmth spreads through me. I didn’t realize I needed to hear that—that she feels the same way about me.
“And I’d love to tell you that I want that too... like, right now... but...” Her face falls, so I pull her into me tighter. “I’d prefer not to go into a relationship while still carrying the pain from my previous one. It’s not fair on you. It’s actually scary how fast I’ve fallen for you, but I made a promise to rebuild myself because I’m only just realizing the damage Tyler caused. And I wasn’t betrayed by just my partner—I also lost my best friend. I lost my spark, but with you I feel like I’m getting it back. So I just need some time before I dive into anything serious.”
I hear the hurt in her voice, and I hate that they treated her like that. I hope I can be the man she deserves and she can make new, genuine friends here. I need to work on my anger, but my anger has been like a friend. It’s a part of me, and I can’t say for sure if I’ll ever be able to control my emotions enough to satisfy what she needs. The thought that I may not be good enough for her slices like a knife. What if I try with everything I have andthen I lose her anyway? What type of monster will I become without her?
Soft hands are on my face, taking me away from my dark thoughts. “Come back to me,” she says tenderly.
“I’m here,” I reply as my eyes roam her beautiful face framed with dark blond hair. She’s so pure and I’m...so not. Can two different people make it work?
“Whatever is going on in here”—she points to my head—“ignore it because I see in those baby blues that you’re stressing out over it. How about we take it slow? Spend more time together. We clearly have some work we need to do for each other’s sake, but I’m excited for our future. I’m not saying no to a relationship. Just not right now.”
“That’s fair.”
Her face turns serious. She still looks cute, though. “I have to make it clear that we are exclusive and not seeing anyone else. I just couldn’t do that.”
