Both women are frowning. Ava reaches over and places a comforting hand on my arm. “I’m sorry you had to see them. I guess the men don’t go out a great deal, so they would’ve been surprised to see Rage. The fight is in two days, so they’re probably in town for that. The winner can earn a lot from the fight too, so it ups the stakes.”
“Rage wouldn’t let them look at me. They were curious, but after their brief chat, we left and Rage is...” I trail off, nausea churning in my stomach as tears threaten to spill.
“Aww,” Elena says, pulling me into a hug.
I’m grateful for her friendly gesture. I need a friend right now. “Rage is angry. His vibe completely changed from being this happy, great guy to being cold, and I can see the anger he’s holding in. After everything that happened with my ex, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, unsure if he’ll snap. I don’t think he will, but I didn’t think my ex would either, so I’m just on edge, and I hate it.”
Elena pats my back. “We’re here for you, and so you know, he’d never hurt a woman, and he obviously likes you. I think boxing is his way to let off steam, and he was probably just angry with himself that they could have seen what you look like.”
I lean back and wipe my eyes. That makes sense.
“I one hundred percent agree with that,” Ava adds. “Rage is sweet, but he’s young and, like the rest of us, stumbling through life. I don’t think he considered how him being angry would make you feel. He’s never had to worry about a woman before. He cares about you and he’s a quick learner, so just talk to him about it.”
I hear heavy footsteps and see Rage. He speaks to Reaper but stiffens when he sees me and quickly walks over and takes my hands in his. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice gentle. Immediately he softens, and my sweet man is back.
NINE
I’D DATE ME
Rage
I hold her hands tightly,my thumbs brushing over her knuckles. Her eyes are red and puffy. My chest tightens at the sight. What happened?
I rack my brain, trying to figure out if I’ve done something wrong. Did I mess up? I thought I handled the situation with the Russians pretty damn well—better than expected. There were no fights, no chaos. I don’t think they saw Rose’s face or recognized her, and that was the most important thing to me.
But, fuck, it was close.Too close.They might’ve caught a glimpse of her, and the thought makes me feel sick. I did everything I could to shield her, to keep her out of that world. The last thing I want is to drag her into it. Maybe it’s not that. Did something else happen? Did her ex contact her?
I glance at Ava. By the disappointed look on her face aimed at me it seems I’ve done something wrong.
Rose forces a smile. “I’m okay. You just do what you need to do, and we can talk about it later when you’re free.”
My eyes narrow slightly. “When I’m free? No, let’s go to my room and talk about it now.” I don’t want to see her upset because of me.
“Okay,” she gets off the stool and walks beside me.
“You and I need to have a chat later,” Ava calls out as we walk upstairs. Dread festers inside of me. I feel guilty; I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to feel guilty about. Is it about the lingerie?
Rose takes a seat on my bed, and I close the door.
“What’s up?” I ask, and sit beside her. I hate this uneasy distance between us.
She takes a second and gathers herself before she looks at me again. “I could sense you were angry.”
I nod. I was. But all it took was one look to see her upset, and my mood changed.
She takes a breath. “It just triggered me, I guess. It put me back into the mindset of what happened with Tyler. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I’ve seen you hit someone, and even though I feel like you’d never hurt me, I don’t think you realize how much you change as a person when you’re angry.”
That guilt now feels like a punch to the gut as I watch her struggle to tell me how my actions caused her to relive the scariest time of her life. I run my hands down my face. “I’m so sorry” is all I can get out. I wanted to be her peace, her safe space, and I made her feel anything but. I glance away, trying to think of the right way to explain myself.
I take a huge breath and give it a go. “I care a lot about you, and I’ve never had to care about anyone but myself, so I don’t mean to upset you. I’m just used to being me. I thought I was controlled, though. I didn’t take it out on you. It’s just that when I get angry, it’s hard for me to let go of that anger. You seem to be the only person who can snap me out of it.”
As I say it, I can’t believe how true it is. I have no off button, but with her, there’s something inside of me that just settles. She calms the anger and pain, and suddenly it’s only her I’m thinking about. She means more to me than I realized.
“I can feel your tension and your anger.” Her shoulders fall as she says it, but her gaze meets mine, her expression solemn. “I do trust you, but seeing you worked up and what you’re capable of, it didn’t matter that I trust you.” She hastily wipes her eyes. “It just brought up those feelings again of not feeling safe. And another thing...” She looks away, biting her lip. “When I was in my early twenties, I was in a relationship with a guy who hit me when he was drunk.”
My stomach knots and my heart aches for her.
She gives me a sad smile. “I ended up leaving him.” She twirls the silver ring on her finger. “It was a long time ago now and I eventually moved on. When I see you angry, I automatically stress out, and the incident with Tyler has brought all those old feelings crashing back.”
