Zahra laughed. “And that’s fine. Just say that. But make sure he knows that wanting your own space doesn’t mean you don’t want him. You probably bruised that man’s ego when you told him that you don’t want to live with him.” Then she gave me a sympathetic look. “You just know love that makes you feel like you have to give up yourself. Now you need to learn how to love him without feeling like you’re giving yourself up to do it.”
By the time Reek let himself into my condo that night, I was already in bed. Since we had finally committed to one another for real, I had given him a key. Every time I heard it turn in the lock, I still smiled and felt peace.
I heard the front door open and shut, then his footsteps through the apartment. They sounded careful, like he wasn’t sure what kind of mood he was walking into after our earlier conversation.
I stayed under the covers with my lamp on low and my phone in my hand, pretending I was still paying attention to whatever nonsense I had been scrolling.
He came into the bedroom, peeking in so cautiously that it made me laugh inwardly.
I cut my eyes up at him. “Why are you creeping?”
“I’m not creeping.”
“Yes, you are.”
He smirked a little and came closer to the bed. “I was making sure it was safe to enter.”
He stood there by the side of the bed for a second, then reached down and dapped my stomach the way he always did now.
“What’s up, lil’ man.” Then he rubbed my belly once and added, “Your mama been acting up.”
That made me smile even though I was still a little irritated.
“That’s because you act like a caveman.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed. “That’s because you act like security is oppression.”
I sighed and pushed myself up against the headboard a little more. “Reek.”
He glanced over at me, waiting.
“I’m sorry.”
That surprised him enough that I almost laughed.
“For what?” he asked.
“For earlier. For getting so defensive.” I rubbed my hand over my stomach and looked down at it for a second before looking back at him. “I know you’re trying to protect me. I know where it comes from. I just… when men start deciding where I should live or how I should move without really asking me, it triggers me. My whole life, a man with money and power acted like he knew what was best for me, and his money always came with me losing some say over my own life. So, when you come in trying to move me around for my safety, I hear your intention, but I also hear old shit.”
He nodded once, slowly. “I get that.”
“I know you’re not Mercer,” I said quickly, because I didn’t want him thinking I was putting them in the same box. “I just need you to understand why I reacted like that.”
He reached over and put his hand over mine on top of my stomach. “I do understand. I’m not trying to take over your life. I’m trying to keep you safe. But I hear you.”
I exhaled, appreciating that we had been able to so lovingly and respectfully smooth this over. “And I hear you too,” I admitted. “I know the building isn’t ideal right now. I know we’re at war. I know you’re not just talking to talk.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “So, we good?”
“Depends.”
He raised a brow. “On what?”
“I want to enjoy being independent for a little while longer since I’ve never experienced it before, so I still don’t want to move.Butyou can do whatever you need to, to make yourself feel like I am safe here.”
He breathed long and hard and then nodded. “Fine.”
“Thank you, baby.” I smiled dramatically, making him chuckle.
