When the tub was full enough, he came over and peeled me off that toilet with a gentleness that still felt strange on him. He helped me step in, careful with my belly, careful with my balance, careful with me. Then he got in behind me so I could lean back against his chest while the hot water wrapped around us both.
I let out a long breath. “This feels so good.”
I leaned back against him and closed my eyes.
For a little while, we just sat there. His hand rested over my stomach under the water, and his thumb swept slow little strokes across the curve of it.
I felt so peaceful that it almost scared me. This was the part of love I had always wanted and never trusted.
Not just sex, chemistry, or a man wanting me for the few hours that a date lasted.
I wantedthis.
He kissed the side of my head and said, “You quiet.”
“I’m happy.”
The words came out so easily that I almost surprised myself.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I smiled to myself. “Like really happy.”
“That’s good.” His hand came up from my stomach to the side of my neck. “I’m sorry I took this long. I’m sorry I made you deal with all that uncertainty.”
I smiled again, and we just settled in the silence for a while.
“You do know this is spoiling me, right?” I teased.
“Good.”
“What if I start expecting this?”
“Then expect it.”
I grunted jokingly. “You’re talking a lot of shit tonight.”
“I’m talking how I should’ve been talking.”
“And you’re not going to wake up tomorrow panicking?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“You promise?”
He looked down at me, serious enough to settle every nervous part of me that was still trying to second-guess this. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not pulling back. I’m not doing that shit where I give you this tonight and then wake up scared tomorrow. I’m here. I’m with you.”
My eyes burned all over again, but I held his gaze and nodded. “Okay.”
He kissed my neck, making me blush.
The best part wasn’t that he’d finally come around. It was that when he did, it felt real. Not forced, dragged out of him, or something I had to beg for. It felt so real that I could finally let my guard down.
I leaned back, watched the man I loved rub my belly under the water, and let myself be happy without waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Loving you doesn’t feel like a trap anymore. It feels like the kind of peace I was too fucked up to believe in before. But I believe in it now, baby, and you can believe in it too.”
After we got out of the tub, he lotioned my body, kissed my belly, and kept saying little things to Cairo that made me smile.
