His lips tipped in the briefest of smiles. “I started living by my faith again, if that’s what you mean.”
She peered past him and out the window. Here she was fantasizing over getting back together with him, and he clearly wasn’t the same person she’d known in high school. Back then, he believed in God. So did she, and they’d each attended church with their families, but live it day-to-day? No.
“Would you mind if I tell you how it helped me get through some tough times?” he asked, seeming undaunted by her skepticism.
She’d embraced her faith to get through things until her mom died and her father ignored her. Then she couldn’t help but believe God had left her. Nothing over the years indicated that had changed no matter how much she would like it too.
If anyone could change her mind it would’ve been Wally. He lived his beliefs. That included service to the community and compassion for those who were down on their luck. She could and did embrace those same traits, only she wasn’t motivated by faith, just by doing the right thing.
She looked through the front window to avoid seeing Ryan’s disappointment in her that surely would follow her response. “Now’s not a good time. God keeps taking away the people I love most. We’re further apart than ever.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his knuckles tighten on the wheel, turning white. He didn’t speak, and the miles rolled past.
Something inside urged her to take back that comment. To lift a hand to touch his arm and end the uncomfortable silence. To return the carefree guy from before this conversation, but she held herself in check.
No good would come from revisiting her stance on God. After all, she’d tried it a few times, and the end result was the same. She believed in Him but didn’t think He had her best interests at heart, and she feared He never would.
* * *
Ryan set aside Mia’s reaction to his suggestion and replaced it with the resolve to try again later. She believed in God. At least enough to blame Him for the loss of her mother. Ryan got that. Many people felt the same way when things went wrong in their lives. But it meant Ryan had a chance of helping her let go of her blame and perhaps move her toward God again.
Not now, though. Clearly it wasn’t the right time. Now he would let her see that as a Christian, he wouldn’t take her rejection personally.
“So,” he said, putting a cheerful tone into his voice. “Did you have a chance to think about helping us at Wilderness Ways?”
She arched a perfectly plucked brow. “I’m not sure it would be a good match. I’m not much of an outdoor girl anymore. The thought of camping for days without a shower makes my skin crawl.”
Her reaction didn’t surprise him. After all, he’d have to be blind not to notice the change in her appearance to a real girly girl. But he was way ahead of her. Last night he’d thought of all the reasons she might say no and prepared a defense for each one of them. She didn’t stand a chance.
“Actually.” He turned what he hoped was a high-wattage smile on her. “Last night, I decided it wouldn’t be wise to send you into the field with students. With the injuries you suffered, I’m not sure you’re up to the physical demands that kind of trip could place on you.”
Her eyes narrowed. “So why ask if I still wanted to help?”
“I have another plan for you.” With his free hand, he pretended to twist a handlebar mustache like a villain.
She laughed as she always had, rewarding him when he’d worked hard to brighten her mood. “And what plan might that be?”
“I’ll shift staff so you can work with the students at the base camp. We start each session with initial evaluations when the students arrive at camp. This provides the field staff with a risk assessment for each student. They work with the kids on the treks, but every few days we return to base camp to clean up and hold a round of one-on-one counseling.”
“You didn’t have to resort to your dastardly villain routine to get me to agree. I would love to do that.” She kept her gaze on him. “But if I do this, you have to agree to keep things professional between us.”
Great.She was on board and he would do his best to meet her terms. “Whatever you need, I can do that.”
“Good. Then I’m ready and willing to help.”
He glanced at her, and their eyes met. Her passion for helping others radiated in waves and warmed him far more than was good for him. They’d always shared a drive to help the underdog, and now they made their living that way.
He looked back at the road. “It’s amazing we both ended up in the same line of work.”
“I wasn’t at all surprised when I heard that you were the director of Wilderness Ways. You’re a natural counselor. So how long have you been working with the program?”
“About a year and a half.”
“After you quit being a deputy.” She swiveled to face him.
He could feel her questioning gaze burning into his face. He had to concentrate on the road, so he didn’t find himself telling her more than he could handle revealing.
“I went to grad school in Eugene and then came back here to work at a small clinic before I became a deputy.” The same clinic Cara had worked for. The clinic she died in.
