“The only thing that we have any real control over is ourselves. Our perspectives. Our thought patterns. Our reactions. So if at some point in our life we realize thatwe’rethe problem, or that we’recreatingour problems – and we almost always are, in some way or another – the good news is that we’re also the solution.”
“That’s one way of looking at it, I guess.”
“It’s the only reasonable way of looking at it.” Halia looked her niece in the eyes. “You have to take radical responsibility for your own life.”
“I thought you were all about community.”
“They’re not mutually exclusive.”
“I don’t get it.”
“We can’t control how our community shows up for us,” Halia explained, “but wecandecide how we want to show up within our community. How we want to contribute. What kind of energy we want to bring to each interaction.”
“I’m not sure I know how to control what kind of energy I bring.”
“You did well at the bookshop the other day.”
“That was easy. I knew what I was supposed to be doing.”
“So maybe that’s where you start.”
“But how?”
“Keep helping. Keep doing what you know how to do.”
“Okay.” Zoe sniffed and swiped at her nose.
“To be kinder to other people,” Halia added, “you have to start being kinder to yourself.”
She froze.
“I’m guessing that the voice in your head is pretty harsh.”
“What makes you say that?” Zoe asked.
“People who are harsh on others are generally even harder on themselves.”
“I can’t control what comes into my head.”
“You can. It takes time to carve in new neural pathways, but you can shift them with time.”
“How?”
“Every time you find yourself speaking harshly – to yourself or to others – you need to stop and redirect it. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a small child – with unconditional kindness.
“It might feel strange at first, but eventually it becomes a habit. I’m kind to myself all the time, or near enough. I wasn’t always.”
“I guess it’s worth a try.”
“It works, Zoe. If you keep at it. Big changes might not happen overnight, but theyarepossible.”
“If you say so,” she said dismissively.
“You’re a grown woman,” Halia said firmly. “It’s time to take radical responsibility for your own life – and that starts with the voices in your head.”
“You make me sound like a basket case.”
“We all have voices in our heads, Zoe. It’s up to you to weed out the ones that are doing you harm and water the others.”
