“You’re as cold as ice,” he said. “You know that?”
She walked down the hall and into their bedroom, where she closed the door and locked it. She crawled into the king-sized bed and pulled the blanket over her head.
Then, finally, she let herself break down and cry.
30
Halia
Work kept Halia busy, but she visited her family whenever she could.
Having all of her sisters together and safe brought her a deep sense of peace, and their newborn nephew was particularly precious.
She sat out on the front porch one afternoon, holding little Kaleo while his mother showered in peace. The baby stared up at her with dark, solemn eyes.
“What a lucky baby you are,” she told him softly.
“Is any baby lucky?” Zoe asked, coming to sit beside them.
“He’s loved,” Halia said simply. “He’s fed. That’s lucky enough.”
“I don’t see why anybody would bring a baby into this world.” Zoe’s words were bitter, but her tone wasn’t. She sounded sad and bemused, and Halia’s heart ached for her.
“This world’s not so bad.”
“Are you serious?” Zoe leaned back and crossed her arms. “Do you not read the news?”
“No.” Halia looked down at the tiny, perfect human in her arms. “I focus on our piece of the world and do what I can to make it better. If you focus on things that are far beyond your control, you’ll drive yourself mad. But if you connect with this community and help peoplehere, you can create your own peace.”
“Aloha.” Lorenzo waved as he came up the front walk. His eyes went straight to his baby, and he held his hands out as he walked onto the lanai. “May I?”
“Of course.” Halia overrode her own reluctance and handed the baby over to his father.
“Leoncino,” he crooned, and Kaleo made a small sound in reply. Lorenzo continued speaking to him in a musical string of Italian as he walked into the house.
“He’s luckier than most,” Zoe conceded when they were gone. “But I still think it’s crazy to procreate when the world’s on fire.”
“Careful,” Halia cautioned. “People who hate humanity inevitably hate themselves.”
“I never asked to be here,” she muttered. “I’m not even sure I want to be.”
Alarm bells rang in Halia’s head – but outwardly, she stayed very calm.
“We want you here,kaikamahine.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Zoe said, and her eyes filled with tears. “I’m just so tired. I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of being the way that I am.”
“In what way?” Halia asked carefully.
“I don’twantto be angry all the time. I don’t want to hate the people who love me. But I don’t know how to move on. I don’tknow how to let go of the things that have happened to me. I don’t know how to be happy.” Her voice broke on the last word.
“We have no say over the circumstances of our birth,” Halia told her niece, “and sometimes terrible things happen to us. Things that are beyond our control. But we can choose how we respond. We have full autonomy over the choices that we make as adults.”
“If I stop blaming my mom,” Zoe said very quietly, “I have to admit that there’s something wrong with me.”
“That’s good news,” Halia told her gently.
“What’s good news? That there’s something wrong with me?”
