“Hey, Mom. Merry Christmas,” he said through blurred eyes, his voice cracking.
His mom’s grave was just as he left it, as it always was.
Leaning forward, Chase stuck the bouquet he’d brought with him into the holder by her headstone. The flowers were a mix of red and green, with some sprinkles of gold, beautiful blooms he couldn’t hope to identify but he knew would make his mom smile.
Chase let his gaze slide away from his mom to see where her parents lay next to her. They died when he was a kid, and he had few memories of them, but he was glad his mom at least had company. From what he remembered and from the stories his mom had told him, he knew they were loving, supportive people. It hurt that this was his entire family, right here in the ground where he kneeled.
Shawn was doing his best to reenter his life, texting Chase a few days ago to ask about his Christmas plans, but Chase was still hesitant to let him in completely. It would take a while to rebuild the trust they had when they were kids, but maybe one day his brother would join him on one of these visits. His phone lit up with a corny text from Shawn that morning.
SHAWN:Merry Christmas, Chase! ::Christmas tree emoji:: I hope I can celebrate again with you someday!
Chase wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive Shawn completely, but he didn’t think it would take long for him to squirm his way back into Chase’s life. Chase missed having a family way too much to stay away from him for good.
He considered updating his mom on Shawn’s attempts to reconnect, but he figured she’d be more interested in the other big change in his life.
“Mom, you’ll never believe who I’m working for now,” he started, a smile growing on his face as he pictured his mom’s reaction. “I’m the new yoga instructor at Gym Rat Fitness, which is owned by—wait for it—Tobias Moyer.”
A brisk wind ruffled his hair as he paused and gave his mom time to freak out. She was the biggest hockey fan in their family, and he knew she would have been ecstatic to hear the news.
“He’s a lot different than I expected. Ya know how he always seemed so quiet and anti-social? Kinda boring in interviews? Well, he’s not a grump like we always thought. It turns out he’sshy.”
Chase could practically hear the bark of a laugh she’d release, followed by a shout of “no way.”
“It’s true. He’s actually a total softie. He had a panic attack in front of me the other day and it scared the shit out of me. They invited him to play in this year’s alumni game, but he’s scared as hell. I think he has social anxiety. Oh my God, and heknits! When he gets overwhelmed he freaking knits to calm himself down. How cute is that?
“Speaking of cute, he has the most adorable niece, and he’s a total marshmallow around her. He brought her in for rock climbing once and she loved it. He’s talking to me about getting kids’ yoga classes started at the gym, likeMommy and Meclasses, but we’re gonna come upwith a more inclusive name.”
He paused, thinking of his mom’s effusive praise, something she never held back.
Another thing she couldn’t contain was her thirst for gossip, like she could sense it in the air. And right now, he could feel her begging for the details.
Chase sighed. “Okay, and yeah, he’s just as handsome in person, and so unexpectedly sweet. And remember how we used to speculate about his dating life? It turns out he’s gay. But don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret.”
His mom’s words were so clear in his head.
You should ask him out.
“I’m not gonna ask out my boss after less than a week on the job.”
Okay, so wait until next week, or flirt with him until he asksyouout.
Chase chuckled. “You’re incorrigible. I did get him to agree to do an acroyoga seminar with me. It’s acrobatic yoga where you do these advanced moves with a partner, like we saw in that oneCirque du Soleilshow.”
He was quiet for a few moments, settling in the silence of the cemetery. He’d seen a handful of other visitors walking around, likely also visiting their lost loved ones for the holiday, but not a single noise could be heard apart from distant traffic.
There was a Christmas wish he wanted to run by his mom, and he figured now was as good a time as any.
“I really miss you, Mom,” he started, his voice a quiet rasp. “I miss having someone I can rely on, someone who can rely on me. Someone to turn to when all I need is a hug. I know it’s asking a lot, but I hope it’s okay if I let Shawn back into my life. Not immediately, but maybe a little bit at a time. You and I were always a team, but now I’m alone. I don’t—” He paused to take a deep breath. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.
“I’m working on making friends, especially with some of the people at the gym. There’s this morning class that Tobias teaches with a lot of great guys. I think a few of them are even queer.” He chuckled. “And some of them might be queer but haven’t figured it out yet. It’s weird making friends as an adult. I can’t just go knock on their front door to ask if they want to come out to play. But I don’t know, maybe I’ll try to put myself out there and suggest hanging out after a class or something. I just— I could really use a friend right now. That’s all I want for Christmas, if I can’t have you back here with me.”
Chase blinked through his tears, letting them fall over his cheeks and disappear into his scarf. What he wouldn’t give to have his mom back here with him. Or to have anyone here with him, for that matter.
“Chase? Is that you?” a familiar voice shouted. Chase flinched where he knelt, not used to anyone shouting in a graveyard, but caught himself before hecould fall. His gaze snapped in the direction of the interruption to see Riley and Josh standing farther down the pathway, and the shouting made sense. Josh didn’t have the best control of his volume.
Chase wiped his eyes on his scarf and stared, wondering if the guys were really there or if they were a figment of his imagination.
“It is him!” Josh yelled, yanking a shushing Riley along with him until they stood over Chase. Josh paid no attention to Riley’s shushing, but luckily no one else was nearby to be disturbed by his outbursts. “Hey, man, what are you doing here?”
