“Ya know, just the terror of reentering the spotlight, people being focused on me, people finding out about my sexuality.”
Natalie deflated. “Toby…”
“I know, I know, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, I should be able to handle it, but I couldn’t three years ago and I’m scared I still can’t.”
“No, that’s not what I was gonna say.”
Tobias’ brow furrowed. “What were you going to say?”
“I was gonna say nobody is gonna give a shit about that.”
Tobias sat slack-jawed, unsure of what to say.
“Look, I know what happened to you during your final year. I know how hard it was for you to deal with the media after every game and talking with people at team events. And I know you wanted to come out, but things are different now.”
Tobias opened his mouth to speak, but Natalie held up her hand to stop him.
“I’m not talking about what it’s like for LGBTQ+ players on the ice. I know it’s still hard to come out, even though a few people in the league have done it already. I’m talking about the fact that you’reretired. Fans aren’t that invested in the lives of retired players, unless you’re involved in something big. Alumni games aren’t even broadcast on TV, so the only people who are watching will be in that arena. That game is meant to befun. There is no spotlight.
“You would have a blast playing and you know it. I know you’re scared, but I’ll be there watching with Momand Madison. And now that you’re not playing, coming out could be a lot simpler. You don’t even have to say the words out loud to anyone. You can just… live your life the way you want to. And we’ll be proud of you no matter what.”
Hearing Natalie repeat their mom’s earlier words settled something in Tobias’ nerves. He knew his family had his back, and he knew Natalie had a point about retired players being mostly left alone by the world. So what was stopping him?
————————
On Christmas morning, Madison had the time of her life opening gifts, displaying each of them to Natalie, Tobias and Grace like every gift was better than the last. And for her, it was. It was so hard not to spoil her since she was the only kid any of them had to dote on.
Natalie did a great job of getting all of her shopping and wrapping done before she left for training, and they’d snuck all the gifts under the tree the night before while Madison was sleeping. There were gifts from him and his mom as well, so Madison had plenty to unwrap. She was especially excited when she opened a giant tub of beads to use for more bracelets. It was amazing to see her so happy.
The adults didn’t go as wild for each other, since theydidn’t really need anything. Instead, they usually exchanged smaller trinkets or functional items.
Tobias, of course, had knitted each of the ladies in his life a new hat, scarf and gloves, like he did every year.
He also put together a little surprise care package that Natalie would receive after she returned to Colorado and then went off to Milan. It was hard being away from her for so long, and he could only imagine how she felt about it.
When Madison gifted Natalie the bracelet she’d made all on her own, Natalie cried tears of happiness. Tobias’ chest warmed when she dissolved into laughter after unwrapping a giant chocolate gold medal, just in case she didn’t get a real one when she got to Milan.
Christmas morning was as close to perfect as they could make it, and Tobias was happy to be surrounded by his family, but he couldn’t help thinking about how Chase’s Christmas was going. He hoped he had someone to spend it with.
Maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to do since he hadn’t texted any of his other employees today, but he pulled out his phone to send a quick text to Chase.
Tobias just couldn’t help himself.
8
TOBIAS:Merry Christmas! I hope you’re enjoying the holiday.
Chase huffed after he read the text from his boss, stuffing the phone back in his pocket.Enjoyingwas probably not the word he’d use. Managing? Handling? Those words were a bit closer to his reality.
He shouldn’t complain, though, because it wasn’t all bad. He’d spent the morning volunteering at one of the local food pantries, preparing holiday meals for families who needed some extra help this time of year. It was something he and his mom had done every year since leaving his dad and Shawn.
It wasn’t easy for them to get by when they first ventured out on their own. Thanks to the divorce taking forever and his mom being a stay-at-home mom with little of her own savings, they’d both had to find jobs andthey’d had to ask for help too. When they were able to, his mom made sure they did what they could to give back to the people who helped them. They volunteered throughout the year with different charities, except for animal shelters. Damn allergies. Since losing his mom, he kept up the tradition, and it always made him feel closer to her. He usually stuck to charities focusing on people needing food, clothing or shelter, but maybe he’d add a cancer charity to his list, in honor of his mom.
The winter chill wasn’t too bad yet, but a cold breeze knocked him out of his thoughts, making him tighten the scarf around his neck. He scuffed his sneaker on the gravel walkway as he trudged through the endless maze of headstones. The first time he came here on his own, it took him an hour to find his mom.
Now, he knew every step of the morbid path by heart.
When he reached his destination, he settled a folded towel on the grass and kneeled.
