And that had stung more than anything.
Rys swore softly. “And things have been shit between you ever since?”
“Yep.” I finally looked up, hugely relieved that I didn’t see any trace of pity in Rys’s eyes. Not that I was surprised. He might’ve been young for an alpha, but he had an unerring sense of knowing what his pack needed from him, and the last thing I needed, or wanted right now, was pity. “I’m angry at him.”
I don’t think I’d ever let myself admit that before, but it was the truth. Under all the hurt and the want, I was fuckingangry. “I stuck to all his rules, and yet, for whatever reason, he treats me like I betrayed him.” My voice rose, way too loud for a private conversation, but I was on a roll. “Everybody else he sleeps with, it’s all smiles and laughter, but me? I get scowls and one-word conversations. And after the Tombs thing, I might as well not exist.” I threw my arms in the air, frustrated beyond words, but Rys didn’t react.
He was quiet for so long, I wondered if my uncharacteristic outburst had stunned him into silence.
“He stayed with you, though. After.”
It took me a moment to realise what he meant. “Yeah.” I sighed. “He did.” Remembering the weeks after I’d been poisoned was something I tried to avoid. Losing control of myself, of my wolf… At the time I’d acted on nothing but animal instinct.
Protect, protect, protect.
It was the one clear thought I’d had.
The only one.
But now? The fact that I could’ve killed Max or anyone who wasn’t pack? It terrified me to my core.
“Why do you think that was?” Rys asked, clasping his hands and resting them on the table.
“I don’t know.” The fact that I’d needed Axel to remain close while I healed was embarrassing. Something neither of us had brought up since it happened, and I was more than happy to leave it that way. I wasn’t all that keen on discussing it with Rys.
“I didn’t talk to either of you about it after the fact,” Rys said with a sigh. “Because, by the time I recovered, Dathal arrived and then it started all over again. I should’ve done, though. And I’m sorry about that.”
“I’d rather not rehash it, if it’s all right with you.”
Rys sat back in his chair, his aura subtly shifting into that of alpha, not best friend. “No. I’m sorry, but it’s not all right with me. You’re my beta, along with Sasha, you’re the next in line when it comes to our pack. And Axel might not be a shifter, but he is part of this pack.” Quick as a flash, he reached forward and grasped my hands. “If I allow this tension between you two to carry on, sooner or later it’s going to start affecting others. If it hasn’t already. And I can’t have you on Axel’s guard duty if your instincts are compromised.”
The snarl came out of nowhere, surprising us both.
Rys’s grip tightened. “I’m going to tell you what I think, whether you want to hear it or not. Both as your alpha and your friend.”
I gritted my teeth. “Go on, then.”
“You like Axel. More than friends and more than a casual hook-up. I think you both knew that, and that’s why Axel regrets taking you home that night. He might not be your soulmate, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when feelings as deep as yours aren’t returned.”
I went to speak, but he wasn’t done.
“You don’t hide it as well as you think you do either, and I think Axel knows. He knows he hurt you and is angry at himself for that.”
I huffed. “And he shows that by being a dick to me?”
“Maybe. People handle guilt in different ways.”
Fucking fantastic. Not only did Axel regret having sex with me, he also felt guilty. For what? Breaking my heart? “So you think the reason he stayed with me after the poisoning was a mix of responsibility and guilt?”
“I’m not sure. I need to talk to him too.”
Goddess, I could only imagine how awkward things would be between us after that. “Look,” I said, hardening my expression as I met Rys’s gaze. “I don’t think you talking to Axel about this will help resolve anything. In fact, I think it’ll make things worse.”
He raised his eyebrows and gestured for me to explain. “The problem here is obviously me.” I ignored the sharp pain behind my ribs. “I’ve somehow given him the impression that I have feelings for him, more than the friendship I assured him would remain the same. I guess that’s on me to fix.”
Rys had every right to look sceptical.
“Don’t look at me like that. I know he got that impression because it’s true, but I’m not stupid enough to think it will go anywhere. I liked him that way before we fucked, so in essence nothing has changed for me. I know he’ll never feel the same and I’m not waiting around expecting that to ever change.”
