Rys’s sigh promised nothing good. “I wish I had an answer for you.” His grip tightened before he let me go and relaxed back in his chair. “Axel is fae, his magic is stronger than whatever runs through Gabriel’s blood. I don’t fully understand how their magic works, if it would make a difference to something like this.” He hesitated, something I rarely saw him do since he’d become alpha, and I got a sinking feeling in my gut.
I wasn’t going to like whatever he said next.
“I knew Gabriel was my soulmate, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Knew it with a bone-deep certainty that I couldn’t ignore.” When he met my gaze, his expression softened. “If you don’t feel that. If your wolf doesn’t yearn to bond you together…” His voice dropped to barely a whisper. “Then maybe Axel isn’t your soulmate, after all.”
His words cut through me like a silver blade, sinking deep into my heart. The pain was almost physical, and it wasn’t until that moment that I accepted how much I’d wanted it to be true.
Rys’s confirmation that it wasn’t hurt.
But if it wasn’t a magical connection that made me want him so badly, then what was it? Because even now, knowing that he’d rather avoid me, if at all possible, the effect he had on me hadn’t lessened any.
“You used to be so close. Was sleeping with him really enough to change that?” Rys asked, reaching for me again. His fingers clasped my wrist in silent support. There was no power behind his words, no order for me to answer, and I knew if I said I still wasn’t ready to talk about it, then he’d let it go.
But I was tired of keeping everything locked inside when part of me still didn’t understand what I’d done to warrant Axel’s shitty attitude towards me. I’d never voiced my thoughts aloud. I’d left Axel’s bed after our night together and never asked for anything more. So why did it feel like I’d done something wrong?
“About nine months ago, I went back to his house with him after seeing him at Midnight.” I sighed. It both felt like yesterday and a lifetime ago. “It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about him like that, but he’d always been adamant that nothing would ever happen between us.”
“What changed?”
I shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure.” Well, that wasn’t exactly true. While I wasn’t about to tell Rys how I’d had to persuade Axel to take me home, if I was going to tell him about that night, then I at least owed him the truth. “I told him I understood it was just sex between us and would never be anything more. I guess that time he believed me.”
Rys pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes screwed shut. His frustration obvious even without shifter senses. “Did you lie?” he asked, opening his eyes to meet mine. “Is that why Axel is—” He waved his hand about. “—the way he is around you.”
“I didn’t lie. But maybe I didn’t tell him the truth either.”
Rys raised an eyebrow and waited.
“Axel has always maintained that he isn’t looking for anything more than a good time. Everyone knows that.Iknew that.” I grimaced, searching for the words that would help explain without sounding like I’d purposefully deceived him or myself. “I wanted him. I was fed up with watching him go home with everyone else and never me. I wasn’t naive enough to think it would be different with me, but I thought I could handle it. Be with him for a night, maybe two, then move on.”
“Did you ask him for more?”
“No.” I shook my head. “And that’s the part I don’t understand. I kept my word. We went back to his house, had sex.” A smile tugged at my lips as I remembered. “Amazing sex.”
Rys snorted.
“But I never asked him for more. Never even hinted at it.”
Once again Rys pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to ask this, but I’m trying to understand. Did you do anything when you were fucking that might have given him cause to think otherwise.”
I knew what he was asking. Shifters were notorious for being possessive, even when they had no right to be. Instinct was a bitch sometimes.
I closed my eyes. My mind flooded with images of that night. I’d replayed it so often in my head I could recall it with almost perfect clarity.
“I won’t break the skin,” I whispered.
“Do it.”
Setting my teeth against his skin, I fucked into him once, twice more before…
“Nothing he didn’t ask for.”
Rys drained the rest of his tea, and I tried to think about anything other than my mouth on Axel’s throat. Getting hard in front of Rys would be the cherry on this whole embarrassing conversation.
“So how were things between you before you left? Awkward or…?”
I tried to laugh it off, but it came out far more bitter than I’d intended. But the truth was, I’d known it the second the glow of orgasm faded. “He regretted it.” I looked at the floor as I spoke, my boots all of a sudden fascinating. “Of course he didn’t say it. I mean, he’s Axel, so he was his usual charming self.” I tapped my nose. “It never lies, though, right?” And I’d felt it deep in my gut. I hadn’t needed enhanced senses to recognise that look in his eyes that he couldn’t quite hide.
If he could’ve gone back and changed things, he would’ve.
