I breathe in deeply, but my sister’s scent isn’t in the air anymore. With my bladder about to burst, I get out of bed and make my way into the bathroom. Once I’ve relieved myself, I wash my hands and see the hair and scissors on the counter where I cut my bangs.
That’s when I glance in the mirror to check my reflection, but it’s not my face I focus on. It’s the note taped at eye level.
You see how easy it is to get my hands on you. I warned you what would happen if you remembered.
My heart races as I reach for the three-wick candle on my counter and scream before slamming it into the mirror effectively shattering it and crushing the damning piece of paper. I do it again and again until my arms give out.
I drop the candle and step back before dropping to sit on the side of my bathtub and hold up my trembling hands to see the blood smeared all over my palms. The candle was in a glassjar which broke and cut into my palms as I slammed it into the mirror over and over.
I don’t hear anything but blood rushing to my ears over my racing heart. The next thing I know, Hendrix is on his knees at my feet. He grabs ahold of my wrists gently.
“Lennon, stop. I’ve got you,” he says almost inaudibly, or maybe it’s because I can’t hear anything over the blood rushing to my head.
“Wh-what did you call me?” I manage to ask as I stare down at him.
“Lennon,” he says again. I can hear his calm voice over all the other noise.
“How did you…know?” I ask.
He stares into my eyes. “I think I knew the moment Dash called me out about how I felt after the accident, and him insisting he didn’t feel your loss in his soul in your hospital room. Because he was right. When I couldn’t save who I thought was Lennon the night of the accident, something in me shifted. I just didn’t want to believe it.”
Tears spring to my eyes. This is the most heart-wrenching, complicated situation anyone could live in.
He stands and turns on the water from the sink and grabs a hand towel folded on the shelf. Steam fills the room as he wets the towel and then wrings it out after turning the water back off.
“Here, let me help you,” he says.
“Why are you here?” I ask as I let him wipe the blood from my hands.
“Dash called me last night. He didn’t think you should be alone, and he explained what you thought you remembered and asked me to stay close. I camped out in my car in your driveway. I heard your scream while I was sipping on my coffee and rushed in,” he explains.
“How’d you get in?” I ask, although I’m sure I know.
“He gave me his key,” he says.
“Why would you care what happens to me, Hendrix? I’m the reason the love of your life is gone,” I say and then sniff.
When he remains silent, I add, “You should leave.”
He smiles sadly. “No, I shouldn’t. London wouldn’t want me to.”
I stand up from the side of the tub. “I made her switch places with me while we were driving. I don’t remember us changing shirts, but we had to somewhere for some reason. What I do remember is realizing we were being tailed and thinking I could get away. If I hadn’t, she’d be alive instead of me. It’s how this should have ended. I was the target.”
“Lennon—”
“No! I don’t deserve your kindness or help. Please leave, Hendrix.”
“I’m not going to do that. I’m afraid—” I cut him off again.
“What? That I’ll hurt myself?” I ask.
I shake my head. “No. I won’t. I’d never let my sister down by doing that. I may be hurting so bad I feel like I can’t breathe, but I deserve to feel it…every soul-shredding, heart-breaking ounce of it. I destroyed us all and it’s something I have to live with.”
“Lennon, this isn’t your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” I ask throwing my hands in the air.
“No, it isn’t. You didn’t ask your stalker to track you down and run you off the road. You were just living your life to the fullest the way we all strive to. You were living your life full of love, just like London. He took your sister, and he took your memories. Don’t you dare let him have what’s left of your heart too.”
