“Dude, I don’t think a single one of us doesn’t worry that we might fuck things up, at least once in a while. Relationships are scary. You’re giving yourself over to someone. Handing them your heart and hoping they don’t squash it. That shit is seriously scary. But in return, they can give you the whole damn world,” Hutch says.
“Damn, Hutch. You’re a fucking poet,” Gray says with a smirk.
Hutch flicks him off, and the others laugh.
“Why are you two sneaking around anyhow?” Fletcher asks.
“I…I mean, we…wanted to just make sure, and we didn’t want Ava to know yet.” I stumble over my explanation.
“I can understand the Ava thing, but why us? I mean, we’re all like family,” Hutch says.
“I don’t know.” I pause. “Honestly?” I ask.
“No, lie to us, fucker,” Kasen says deadpan.
I roll my eyes. “I think telling you all makes it real and that scared the fuck out of me.”
“You need to get over these crazy fears. Make this thing official. Tell her you love her and lock that shit down or you’re going to lose her for real,” Gray says. And his words hit me hard. Now I’m beginning to have an irrational fear of fucking things up and losing her in addition to just losing her.
“For the love of God, call my therapist,” Kasen states. I helped him get the therapist, but I know the guy and it’s too weird, so I called a different therapist.
“I already called a therapist,” I state. Kasen raises an eyebrow and I roll my eyes.
“You need to seriously think about telling her your true feelings. Carly’s been through a lot. I don’t know exactly what happened with her ex, but it can’t have been good if he’s completely out of their lives. And plus, just being a single mom in general is tough,” Kasen says.
“I know. I’ll work on it,” I say, suddenly feeling nervous. I’ve never once told a woman I loved her, not like that anyhow. What if she doesn’t actually love me? What if I say it and she doesn’t say it back? What if I say it and then she says she can’t do this anymore?
“Get out of your head, Bray. She loves you,” Gray says, pulling me from my inner thoughts.
“God, I hope so,” I mumble.
Gray claps me on the back. “I’d bet my cello on it.”
I stand and stretch. “I've got to go. Thanks for the pep talk, fuckers.”
“We charge by the hour,” Hutch teases.
I glare at him, and he puts his hands up defensively. “We accept payment in beer,” he adds with a smirk.
“Good beer,” Kasen interjects.
“Noted. I’ll bring the beer next week,” I say as I walk toward the door.
“Just remember, she needs someone who can be there for her. You’ve already been that person. She definitely loves you,” Gray says as I leave.
His words ricochet in my head as I walk the few blocks to the hospital. Does she definitely love me? How could he possibly know that? And what if she doesn’t?
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Carly
Bray is acting so weird. He’s barely texted me back today, which is unlike him. Last night, he texted to say he needed to do some laundry before work, so he would have to see me tonight. And five seconds ago, he texted to say that the hospital is short-staffed, so he’s going in early for his shift. While that does happen from time to time, it doesn’t explain the strange feeling I have. Is he regretting our relationship?
Roxy told me that he let the cat out of the bag with the guys. So, everyone knows now. Maybe that makes it all too real for him. He’d mentioned wanting to try therapy. I really thought this was going to work. Perhaps I was just hoping for something that was never meant to be.
I lie down in bed and try to read, but my mind keeps drifting back to Bray. Can we even go back to being just friends? Probably not. I put a pillow over my face and scream. Then I let the tears fall, and finally, sleep takes over.
The bed dipping and a hand stroking my leg wake me. I stir, thinking it’s a dream, but then I feel a warm, familiar hand push my panties to the side. Strong fingers stroke me, and I arch into them.
