Silence.
I glance around to make sure no one at any of the nearby tables heard, but thankfully the patio’s not very full and the closest group is still laughing amongst themselves, clearly not paying any attention to us.
After a moment, Steph clears her throat. “And, it’s … his …?” she asks hesitantly.
I roll my eyes, shoving aside that little twinge in my chest again. I know it’s a legitimate question, but still.
I nod, not meeting either of their eyes.
I haven’t been with anyone since Noah, and I don’t want to examine why that is.
“Woah,” Piper breathes.
“Yeah.”
“Well, what are you going to do?” she reaches out her hand, resting it on mine. “You know we’re here for you whatever you decide, right?”
I nod again, still unable to look at either of them. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I will them not to fall. I hate showing emotion or weakness, even with my closest friends. I pull my hand away and drop it into my lap.
“I guess …” I sigh. “I guess I’m going to get an abortion.”
“Is that what you want to do?” Steph asks. She’s the most maternal person I know–a doting mom to her beloved boys–so the idea is probably inconceivable to her.
“Yeah, I mean, what choice do I have? I can’t be amom.” I say it like it’s preposterous. Because itis.
“Sure you can, if that’s what you want,” Piper reassures me, but I shake my head.
“No. Putting aside the fact that I’m the good-time girl, not the nurturing, tender one, I have a business to run. I can’t manage itandraise a child on my own. And think about what becoming a single mother will do to my already stellar reputation in this town as a ‘woman of loose morals,’” I make air quotations.
Piper frowns, opening her mouth to dispute the title, but I cut her off again.
“Those are Mrs. Abernathy’s words, not mine,” I say. “And even though I don’t give a crap what that old biddy or anyone else thinks of me, I’d hate to perpetuate the cycle and have my kid live under that same shadow of judgement.”
“But who says you have to do it on your own?” Steph asks, choosing to ignore that last comment and circle back to the real issue at hand.
I just scoff.
“I mean it,” she argues, “Noah is a good guy, he would do what’s right. And you know we’d be there for you too. You wouldn’t be alone.” I shoot her a skeptical look, but she raises a hand and continues, “I mean it Luce, ifIcan do it–be a single mom–then so can you. Rely on your people, we’re here for you!”
“Thanks, girls,” I sigh again. “I know you are. I know you’d help me. And I know Noah would fulfill his obligations, but …” But I don’t like thinking of myself or the baby as obligations for him to fulfill. I don’t want to be a burden on him. The town skank that trapped the upstanding cop. Nope. No thanks. An abortion is the right thing to do for all involved.
“Well, youaregoing to tell him though, right? I mean, regardless of what you decide?”
“I don’t know. I–”
“You have to tell him, Lucy,” Steph interrupts forcefully, and I rear back in surprise. I’ve never heard her speak so vehemently before.
A look of surprise crosses her face, followed swiftly by remorse and she covers her mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she says softly, dropping her hand, “I just– just trust me, keeping the father out of the loop is not a good idea.” She sounds like she’s speaking from experience, but I can’t imagine what that’s about. Her sons both knew their father–before he up and ditched them, that is.
“I agree,” Piper chimes in, “Noah deserves to know, even if you’re not keeping it.”
“Yeah, okay.” I blow out a long breath. “I know you’re right. I’ll tell him. Soon.”
They exchange another look and then, without a word, both come around the table to wrap their arms around me.
“It’s going to be okay,” Steph says and Piper nods. “You’ll see.”
