He’s watching me intently again.
“What?”
“Um … well, forgive me for saying, but you don’t exactly sound like that’s what you want to do.”
“It doesn’t really matter what I want. I can’t handle a baby. I’m so busy with the café as it is. And anyway,” I say, shaking my head, “I’m not cut out to be a mother.”
There’s that trademark frown of his again.
“Please don’t say things like that. I think you’d be an amazing mother–”
I’m already shaking my head again, prepared to refute him, but he raises a hand. “Let me finish, please. Idothink you’d be an amazing mother–you’re warm and supportive and loving. You’re fun and playful. You’re pure sunshine, Lucy.”
Holy shit. That little ball of warmth grows and ignites in my chest at his words.
“What I really want to say to you right now, though,” he continues, “is that I’ll be there for you, whatever you decide to do. It’s your body, and it’s your decision, and if an abortion is the right thing for you, I completely understand and I’ll support you in whatever way you need or want me to. But …”
“But?” I prompt, at once touched by his declaration and dying to know what it is he’s so hesitant to say.
“Well … I don’t want you to feel that I’m pressuring you in any way, but … I’d like to ask you to reconsider the abortion. Just– to … to take a bit more time to think about it.”
“What?” I gasp, shocked.
“I just– I thought about it all last night. I haven’t slept, actually. At all. And well, you dropped a lot of info on me yesterday–stuff I still need to sort through, if I’m being honest–but what I kept coming back to was the thought that we made a baby together. I was raised Catholic and well, that’sspecialLucy. A baby is a miracle, really, regardless of the way it happened.”
I can only stare at him, mouth hanging open.
“Look, I’m not necessarily ready to be a father either, but is anyone ever really ready? People figure it out–they make it work. And I know, okay, I realize that I’d be asking you to overhaul your whole life, make changes and sacrifices … I know this is asking a lot. But I’m willing to do this with you, Lucy. I …wantto–if you do.”
Noah wants to have this baby with me.
It’s another moment before I can find my voice. “Are you just saying that for religious reasons? Because I’m open to discussing carrying the baby and putting it up for adoption if you have a moral objection to–”
But he’s already shaking his head, staring down at his legs sprawled before him on the floor.
“I won’t deny that there’s some religious influence, but honestly Lucy, it’s minimal. I would still support you and never judge you if that’s ultimately what you decide, but I realized last night that this might be my only chance to be a father. I mean let’s face it, I can be a difficult guy to get along with and I guess I never really imagined that I’d settle down. That anyone would want that with me. I never gave much thought to fatherhood before now, either, beyond the fact that I knew I wouldn’t do it the way my dad did if given the chance. But last night, Lucy, that was the only thing I could think about.” His eyes are practically glowing when he turns them on me now. “I can’t deny that I want to meet this little one–ourlittle one.”
And, oh my God, my heart skips and jumps at those words.
Our little one.
“I promise I would be one hundred percent involved–you wouldn’t have to do anything alone,” he continues, his voice rising. He reaches over and takes one of my hands in his. “I want to nurture them, be there to watch them learn and grow. Help them to find their way in the world. Can you imagine getting to be a part of that? I mean, what an awesome responsibility that is–what anhonor.” He stops and takes a deep breath, his eyes going round.
Some of the eagerness drains from his face.
“I’m– I’m sorry. I got a little carried away. I … didn’t mean to say all that.” He’s still clutching my hand and he gives it a little squeeze before releasing it.
“It’s okay, Noah. I’m glad you told me how you feel.” I offer him a small smile, but my head is spinning.
“I meant it when I said I didn’t want to pressure you, only to ask you to give it some more thought before you make a final decision.”
I nod. “Right, okay. I can do that.”
The rare smile on his face is soft. Hopeful.
“Thanks.”
CHAPTER 5
