“Anyway,” he continues softly, “it’ll never happen again, Luce. I promise. You can count on me, always–as a fatherandas a partner. That is … assuming you can forgive me?” A sweet hopeful smile plays at the corners of his lips.
“Already done,” I reply. “It wasn’t all on you, Noah. I was stubborn, and I overreacted. I let it go on way too long and I should have given you the chance to explain. Some part of me knew the whole time that it wasn’t really like that–that you weren’t ashamed of me–but … I was scared, and I let fear get the best of me. I’m so used to people leaving that when I found out you were hiding me from your family I just … I backpedaled on us. Took the opportunity to be the one to leave first because at that moment it seemed inevitable that you’d leave.”
“I’m so sorry, baby. I know you’ve been hurt by your parents too. We’ve both dealt with abandonment in one way or another, haven’t we? Though mine was more emotional than physical. I promise I never meant to hurt you or add to that pain.”
“I know. I just want to move on from this now, Noah. Can we do that?” I ask.
“Please,” he breathes.
I nod. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
He sighs. “Not right now. Just … I told them everything. About you, about the baby. I opened the floodgates and spilled out all the pain and anger I’ve been holding in since I was a kid. It wasn’t pretty and they weren’t very receptive or understanding.” He shakes his head despondently.
“That must have been so hard.”
Noah nods. “It was hard, and oddly, it was also one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. I feel lighter for having finally faced them like that.”
“I’m proud of you,” I whisper.
“I told them exactly what they would be missing if they didn’t make some changes,” and then he shrugs. “I’m not holding my breath though. I’m done.”
I reach an arm around behind him pulling him gingerly into me. He settles his head against my shoulder in the mirror of his daughter and I just hold them both like that for a long while.
“So,” he says pressing a soft kiss against the skin of my neck. “About her name …”
CHAPTER 27
LUCY
“Maybe we should see if we can stay another night. Just one more, you know? You look a bit pale.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t eventryto pretend your apprehension is about me.”
Noah turns away from our daughter to meet my eyes and scoffs. “Of course it is! You just had surgery three days ago.”
“I’m doing just fine, and you know it.” Mostly. My incision still hurts like a bitch and I’m exhausted, but the nurses say I’m healing well.
He sighs. “Fine. You got me. I just–”
I raise my eyebrows at him expectantly.
“I mean, how can they just let us go with her? Just like that?”
“You think we need more adult supervision?” I joke, though I know exactly how he feels. We have no idea what we’re doing. And the thought of being sent out into the world with our perfect little treasure, completely responsible for her care, is utterly terrifying.
“You laugh, but I’m completely serious here, Luce,” he says, eyes wide. “I don’t at all feel prepared for this despite all my research.”
I move to stand beside him where he’s leaning over our baby girl, double and triple checking that she’s properly strapped into her carrier. My movements are slow and a little strained. I rub a hand over his back in support and grin down at our sweetie who’s gazing up at her daddy with curiosity.
“Never thought I’d be the voice of reason here, but I’m pretty sure no one is ever fully prepared for parenthood. I’m scared too, but we can do this, Noah. You’ve read all the books, I’m managing the feedings okay, and we have lots of people we can lean on for help.”
He straightens, placing a quick peck on my forehead. “I know you’re right.”
“Plus,” I add with a grin, “no one has ever mastered the diaper change as quickly or swaddled as perfectly as you.”
“I did get those down pretty swiftly didn’t I?” he asks with a wry half-smirk.
I nod. “Ever the overachiever.”
