I clench my jaw and fight with myself if I should tell him or not. I sure as shit can’t tell Addie. I can’t tell August. And I just pissed off James.
Beau is sitting in front of me, giving me an opportunity to tell him what is running through this pathetic mind of mine. So, I give in and tell him. Everything. I tell him about Charlie and Ellie and hooking up with her.
Beau sits back in his chair and folds his arms across his chest, letting out a low whistle. He rubs his hand against his jaw with his eyes on the table.
“That’s a lot to process,” he finally says.
“Tell me about it.”
“And you think going to speak with your dad is going to help you with Ellie?”
I shrug, “I think it’s going to help with a lot of things.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
I put my glass down. “At least I’ll be able to move forward in whatever direction I may take with my dad. I don’t know.”
“Wait, what do you mean? Are you trying to have a relationship with him?”
I don’t answer because I don’t know how to answer that question. Young Rowan wants to have a relationship with his dad. Present Rowan doesn’t know if it’s the best idea because he doesn’t know the man anymore. He could be a scumbag for all I know.
Beau continues, “Don’t tell James this. If you are going to talk to your dad to hear his side and possibly build a father-son relationship with him, don’t tell James. I know we were kids when it happened, but he hated seeing you like that after your dad left. Why do you think he always wanted you over? Because he wanted our dad to consider you like a son to him. And our dad does.”
“I know that. I’m extremely grateful for all the things your dad has done for me. But it isn’t the same.”
“I know. I know I don’t understand. Does Addie know you’re doing this?”
I shake my head and look at the table.
“Does your mom?”
“Yeah, she does,” I mutter.
“And she’s okay with this?” He leans on the table with his arms and pulls my attention back to him.
“I’m an adult, and she knows she can’t stop me from doing this. She told me not to go in with high expectations. He only lives three hours from us. How am I supposed to continue moving on with my life when I find that out?”
“I get it, okay? I’m not trying to convince you not to do this. I just want to make sure I understand this, understand you and where you’re coming from. Does Ellie know?”
“She doesn’t. I was going to tell her today. She’s supposed to meet me here so I can talk to her about it.”
Beau nods. “Okay, all right. Do you want me to be here when you tell her?”
“No.” I breathe out. “It’s okay.”
“I hope she doesn’t take the news like James did.”
I pick up my glass again and down the rest of the beer.
forty-six
ROWAN
“It’sa little early to be drinking already, don’t you think?” Ellie says from the stairs.
I look at her, and no matter what, she always takes my breath away. Her long hair flows over her shoulders. She’s wearing a simple outfit: jeans and a shirt, and she still looks like a queen to me.
“It’s one in the afternoon on a Saturday,” I counter. “Plus, this is the only one I’ve had.”
