“I’m afraid I’m going to wake up, and find out this was all a dream,” he says.
“Me too.”
We’re both quiet for a moment, brooding in our own thoughts. We don’t take our eyes off each other, but I can tell he wants to ask me a question.
“What’s on your mind?” I finally ask.
He holds my hand close to his face, practically snuggling with it.
“Are you going to stay?” he whispers to me.
I stare at him with so much love in my heart that I can’t stand the idea of leaving him again. But…
“I still need to figure things out,” I answer him.
His eyes close, still pressing my hand into him.
“Stay, Ellie. Stay for me.” He opens his eyes, and I watch a tear fall from the corner. The glossiness makes his eyes look like the deep blue ocean.
I bite the inside of my lip. This is all I wanted to hear him say. So why is it so hard to accept it?
forty-five
ROWAN
“You’re goingto see your dad?” James asks.
I nod and take a drink of my beer.
“What are you trying to get out of it?” Beau asks.
Me and the guys decide to hang out on the second level of the brewery while customers mingle downstairs. After the incredible night I had with Ellie, I had to clear my mind. Especially the conversation where I begged her not to leave.
I look at Beau over my glass and then set it down on the wooden table we’re sitting at. “I think it’s time that I finally go see him.”
“What’s making you want to do this? Is it because of a certain woman?” Beau asks.
Yes, it is, but I’m not going to tell him that. I need to let myself heal from all the bullshit I’ve put myself through. I want to be a better man, not only for myself but for Ellie.
I’ve pushed people away my entire life, and I can’t let myself do that anymore. I need Ellie in my life. Whether that’s us staying here or me moving to New York.
“I just need to clear some things up. I’m not going to lie and say that Ellie coming to town didn’t have any influence, because it did. I’m twenty-nine, and I know I can’t keep living like this. I’m driving myself crazy wondering what can happen if I talk to him. If I can’t find the courage to do this, how am I going to be able to overcome my fears with other things in life? Will it be easy? No. But if Ellie can deal with everything that’s going on with her, why can’t I?”
“Because the situation with your dad is very different from her situation,” James says.
“James, you have the best relationship with both of your parents, I don’t know if you can understand this. I’m not trying to be a dick, but you were lucky enough to not come from a broken home,” I tell him.
Beau darts his eyes back and forth between me and James. He doesn’t say anything. He just stares and listens. I’ve been close to these two for as long as I can remember, and they have the healthiest relationship with their parents,theirdad.
“Fine.” James slams his glass on the table. “I’m going back to work.” He gets up from his chair and walks back downstairs.
Beau rubs his face with his hands and then runs them through his dark hair.
“What? Am I wrong?” I ask.
I’m being a fucking dick, and I need to stop, but I can’t. I’m a fucking mess. A mess over my dad, over Ellie, over my entire life.
“What the hell is going on with you? You’ve been acting like an asshole these past few days,” Beau says. “This isn’t like you.”
