This generous version of Hazel was already freaking me out, but I lost it when she started fluffing my pillows and burying me under a mountain of blankets.
All the emotions I’d bottled up bubbled to the surface, triggering my Divine to stir. When my eyes flashed gold, Hazel took the hit and bolted before I lost control.
Sharky has serious issues with owing people. A few snacks and a reluctant smile would’ve done the trick, but instead, she stole my baby on a night I needed him to stay sane. Having my little Monkey close would’ve helped me contain the tsunami in my head… at least until I didn’t have so many eyes watching my every move.
As much as I was surprised to be on the receiving end of Hazel’s rare affection, I don’t have it in me to play sane tonight. With every tick of the clock, I can feel myself falling apart. The mere thought of accidentally falling asleep and ending up back in that dungeon makes my anxiety shoot through the roof.
Being surrounded by people I trust had me almost convinced that my past couldn’t touch me anymore, but asingle confrontation was all it took to remind me how fragile that illusion really was.
My past may be behind me, but I still carry the scars from what it broke.
Facing my past triggered that part of my brain that blurs the lines between memory and reality, from the blood I lost to the blood I caused.
I can’t go there tonight. Even cracking open the door to my past would shatter my sanity… which I’m barely holding on to as it is.
The tremor in my fingers grows as flashes from my past invade my vision. I force myself to breathe and choke back the bile of nightmares clawing their way up my throat.
You’ve held it together all day, Nevaeh. Don’t let yourself slip now.
‘Think you can hide from me?’
My breath catches the momenthervoice echoes in my mind.
It’s been two months, Nevaeh. Why can’t you just benormallike everyone else? Why do you have to stop yourself from spiraling every single night? Why won’t she leave you the fuck alone?
When Angel knocks before entering, I shove my hands under the blanket, gripping the fabric with white knuckles.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” His concern slices through the haze of panic, and I’m glad I escaped before Visha could pull me deeper into her games.
“I’m fine.” I clear my throat, trying to steady the tremble in my voice. It’s getting harder to pretend everything is fine when my insides are being ripped with terror.
“No, you’re not, you’re shivering. I’ll grab another blanket for you.”
“No! I mean… I’m good.” I try to sound convincing, but Angel sees right through it.
“You don’t look so good, baby. How about I make you something warm? Maybe some soup?”
He can’t leave. I try to stop him, but the words are stuck inmy throat. The fear of being alone in this room wraps around me like a noose, paralyzing me as my own mind turns against me.
‘You’re all alone now, little girl. No one’s coming to help.’
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!
“I know it’s not your usual time to eat, but humor me tonight. I’ll be right back—” Angel turns his back to me, ready to leave.
“No! D-Don’t go. Stay. Please… just stay.”
I can’t breathe. The fear cracks through my voice, raw and transparent. I don’t want him to see me like this, but the panic of being left alone with my thoughts… with her… It’s suffocating.
“Nevaeh? What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Angel rushes to my side.
He reaches for me, but I flinch instinctively. Angel recoils, staggering back to give me space, but that only makes it worse. My panic surges, and my breathing turns frantic.
Fuck. If I keep spiraling, my Divine will take over, and I’ll hurt everyone here.
There’s a reason my chains remained untouched for ten years. I can’t do that again. The blood, the hearts I tore out… I can’t be that monster again. Not for them to laugh in my face when I begged them to stop.
I can see Angel’s lips moving, but the ringing in my head is drowning out his voice. My chest rises and falls in ragged gasps, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to fill my lungs.
