I shake my head.
“Why not?” he signs again.
I know that I need to get it together.
“It’s complicated.”
“That’s what Aunt Chrissy says about Ice.”
I laugh and smirk. Mm-hmm, looks like I’ve got some teasing to do. I glance at my phone and remember that Chrishanna is coming to do my hair.
“Come on. It’s time to go home. Aunt Chrissy’s coming over.” I take CJ’s hand, and we head out of the park and up the block for home.
By the time that Chrishanna arrives, CJ is in his room, taking a nap.
“Girl, what is wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me. We’ve been friends almost our entire lives. Your eyes were red when I got here, and here you are, tearing up again. Don’t tell me that I’m pulling too hard on your hair either, because your ass ain’t hardly tender headed.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. You’re walking around here looking sad, like you can’t pay your bills, and your baby’s daddy’s third leg went wandering outside.”
I sigh.
“What? Don’t make me cut him. I know he’s my brother, but I’ll fuck something up over you.”
I laugh. Chrishanna is just as rough around the edges as her brother is.
“He hasn’t done anything. It’s just difficult coming to terms with everything that happened. Learning that the people in my inner circle, who I thought were for me, actually weren’t. Learning that the man I love with my whole chest isn’t who I thought he was.”
She sighs. “I know it’s hard, boo, but the one thing you can count on is that my brother loves you. He ain’t ever been any different about that. He’s always loved you and always will. No matter what shit he gets into, I promise that you’re it for him. I didn’t like the idea of the two of you together originally, becauseI thought you would get hurt, but it’s the only equation that makes sense, if you ask me.”
“You’re right, I guess.”
“Ain’t no guess. Honey, tell that man what you’re feeling, why it hurts, and how you can’t live without him.”
“I can’t. I don’t want him to feel like I’m pressuring him to change like I did before. If he loved me, he wouldn’t have told me that I could leave.”
“Y’all asses both stubborn as hell. You know that old saying if you love something, let it go? If it returns, it was yours, and if it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. That’s what he’s doing, sis.”
“I guess, but still.”
“Ain’t no but still. You both need to put your pride aside for the sake of your son, because he’s the only one who’s getting hurt. Can you imagine one of them hos from the clubhouse being his step-mama? And you falling for some old Urkel-looking nigga, and him being CJ’s stepdaddy? God forbid he has to interact with my brother on visitation days; that would be a whole ass mess.”
I scrunch my face up. “I don’t like that for my baby.”
“Me either. Go get ya man, sis.”
“Didn’t you tell me to stay away from your brother? Why are you pushing me toward him now?”
“That was before you both decided to fuck around and have a kid. Now y’all done fucked around and found out you love each other. I’m useless here. Y’all are gon’ do what you want anyway, so who am I?”
It’s late when Chrishanna leaves. CJ woke up before Chrishanna left, and now we’re sitting on the couch watchingThe Legend of Ochiwhen the doorbell rings. I frown even as a thread of fear works its way inside of me. I haven’t heard from Benjamin since everything happened, but what if it’s him?
“Stay right here, baby,” I sign to CJ.
