“I want you to be happy,” Mom said. “And you aren’t. Not like this.”
“I am happy,” I muttered.
“Happy pretending the best thing that ever happened to you is fake?”
I didn’t answer.
“I know you stopped eating for days after you saw her get engaged,” she reminded me. “I know you started smoking when she got married because you didn’t know what to do with yourself. And I also know you quit the next day because she didn’t like it.”
I felt a lump rise in my throat, burning. I hated that she remembered. I hated more that she was right.
“Then what do I do?” I asked helplessly.
“You’re a successful lawyer, Derek, and you still can’t figure out your own feelings?”
I groaned. “Mom?—”
She cut me off with a look.
“Just use your words, Derek,” she said. “Talk to her.”
Use my words.
Sure.
The thing I failed throughout my entire childhood. The thing that still failed me every time Paige smiled at me like I hung her entire world in the sky.
Talking to her would be easy.
So fucking easy.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Yeah,” I muttered. “Talking to her will make everything easier.”
Mom’s unimpressed stare told me she knew exactly what I meant.
And she was absolutely right.
I was so fucking screwed.
24
MORE THAN A FRIEND
PAIGE
I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.
I walked down the hallway, looking for Charlotte to ask where she had put Lily’s bottle. But as I approached the small sitting room, I heard Derek’s voice, low and full of emotion, and something made me pause.
“I can’t tell her.”
“Why the hell not?”
That was Charlotte.
“Because…”
“You’ve been in love with that girl since you were a child. Everyone knows it. I’m shocked the birds outside aren’t gossiping about it.”
