“It’s true,” I say, cutting her off because I need to get this off my chest before I move to freaking Poland. “I should have been honest with you. There wasn’t a fucking second of our time together where I didn’t love you. And I’m not talking about friendship. I let that be the cover because it meant I could be with you. That makes me a coward, Viv, and I’m sorry.”
The air hangs between us and the weight of it nearly crushes my shoulders. There are a million things I could say right now—a million things I want to say.Fuck, I want to take hold of her and never let go. I want to beg her to ditch the damn cruise ship and come with me to Poland. But that’s insane. And selfish. And I’vealready made that mistake before—I dragged her into the reality I wanted without listening to what she wanted. Yeah, I said I did and we skirted that line, but we weren’t fooling anybody, except maybe ourselves.
Viv’s lips part—those plush, soft lips I fucking dream about—and I brace myself for whatever is going to come out of that pretty mouth. With Viv, you never really know. She could declare her undying love for me and launch herself into my arms. Or she could wrap me in a bear hug and thank me for being the world’s best bestie.
The suspense is enough to end me, and I’m not waiting around to watch her crush what’s left of my broken heart, so before she can say anything, I open my big mouth and start yapping. “I guess we’re both gonna see the world, huh? Do you leave right after graduation? I leave as soon as my finals are over. It’s a seventeen hour flight. Isn’t that nuts? I’ve got a connecting flight in London, but still. You’ll be at sea for what, a year?”
Viv blinks like she’s trying to follow my train of thought, but it’s gone off the rails. That happens a lot. “Uh, no. Six months to start. I get a break in January, so I’ll spend some time with Maggie, JT and the birthday girl. I hate the thought of missing all her milestones, you know?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna miss her, too, but I told JT that he has to record every new, amazing thing she does so Uncle Mick’s not out of the loop. We made a QuikTok account that’s private so JT and Maggie can post shit all the time. I will, too, so Calla doesn’t grow up thinking her dad’s the only badass hockey player in the family.”
“You’re a good uncle. An amazing person. Honestly, the best person I know.”
Oh, shit. We are getting dangerously close to the emotional stuff, and I don’t think my heart can take it if she calls me herbest friend for the nine-millionth time. “Yeah, you, too,” I say before she can take the conversation in another direction. “Hey, you should tell Maggie to add you to that QT account. That way you won’t miss a thing.”
“Oh. Yeah, that’s a great idea,” she says, biting her lip like she wants to say more.
I need to get the hell out of here before I drop down on one knee and fucking propose. Being this close to Viv is intoxicating, and my brain keeps forgetting that I can’t be in love with her any more. “Yeah, you know me, I’m just full of great ideas” I say, shrugging my shoulders like a damn idiot.
And with that stellar parting line, I practically sprint across the yard to help JT tear down the folding tables and chairs.
30
Viv
“This is crazy, right? I’m crazy.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Maggie teases, bumping my hip with hers. “Crazy is your whole brand, my love.”
“You’re right. It’s just?—”
“You want the truth?” she asks, dragging me over to my bare mattress in my nearly-bare dorm room. There are some boxes next to my closet that Maddie G and Sierra are picking up later today, and there are two suitcases, a backpack, and a crossbody by the door. My whole life is in those bags. I’m about to embark on an adventure, and that’s all I can take with me.
We settle onto the thin, plastic-covered mattress. This thing sucks without my memory foam topper. I hope Maddie G appreciates it.
Maggie takes my hands in hers and squeezes them. Shit. She’s got her mom face on, and I know she means business. “This,” she says, pointing toward my suitcases, “is not the craziest thing you’ve ever done. There’s a long list of shenanigans in your past, Viv, and I was around for every single one.”
“Yeah,” I say, wincing. “I don’t think we have the time to rehash all of that. Senior year of high school alone could take an hour.”
“That’s your fault for thinking you were getting a job teaching dance to little kids at a place called The Cherry Pie Pit.”
“It was next to a bakery! How was I supposed to know it was a strip club?”
Maggie just shakes her head because we have had this conversation before. “For the thousandth time, the neon sign wasn’t two cherries. It was a pair of tits. But that is not the point.”
“I still maintain that it was an honest mistake, and I think they should have kept me on staff. They needed a choreographer. But I know, that’s also not the point. So hit me with it, Mags, because I’m about to leave for the mother-effin airport, and I won’t see you or your sweet baby girl for six months.”
She hugs me again, and I do my best not to cry. Maggie pats my back and then hands me a tissue.
“I’m not crying,” I protest.
“No, but you will be,” she says, because she can obviously see the future. “I stuck some extra tissues in your carry-on, along with another spray hand sanitizer and some wipes. Planes are germy places. And I packed some of those animal crackers you like. Calla insisted.”
“Oh, my god. Your baby gifted me our favorite snack. You really are going to make me cry.” I fan my eyes and tug at my ponytail, like that will hold the tears back. Whoever invented waterproof mascara better have won the Nobel Peace Prize because that stuff is amazing, and I might test its limits today. “Okay, come on. Throw some of that maternal wisdom at me. If this adventure I’m about to embark on isn’t the craziest thing I’ve ever done, then what is?”
“You already know the craziest thing you’ve ever done. It’s denying that you love Mickey.” Maggie’s eyes are kind as she drops the truth bomb that detonates all over my heart. It’s nothing I don’t already know, but the regret I have for the way I hurt us both could eat me alive if I let it.
“You know I’m right,” she says. “You just couldn’t see it then. Everybody else could, but you had your eyes shut so tight that you couldn’t see what was right in front of you. But, Viv, your eyes are open now. You get it. You’re not in the dark any more.You’re not hiding, not pretending, not walking around with your eyes closed and your ears plugged, singing ‘La-la-la-la, we’re just besties,’ anymore.”
