“Bubbles burst,” he says bluntly. “But I was never going to leave you. You’re my best friend. You’re the most important person in my life. You’re always going to be important to me. But losing you made me realize I had to do something for myself. Think about it, Viv, I’ve always been the sidekick, you know. I’m the comic relief. I’m the buddy. Everything my guys went through? I was there for them. And I wouldn’t change it for a minute. But I never had any real direction for myself. The only thing I ever wanted for myself was you. And when it became clear that wasn’t real, I kinda hit rock bottom.”
“Mickey—” I start.
“No, it was good for me. It made me realize I needed a goal. I needed to do something that would make me feel like I had a purpose, you know? When I found out about the tryouts, I felt excited for the first time in way too long. And for the past week,I’ve felt like myself. I’ve felt confident. I know moving to Poland sounds crazy to most people, but I’m not most people. I’m actually looking forward to the future—to my future. Everybody has a plan, a path, you know? I had nothing. But now I do.”
I’m about five seconds from bursting into tears, so I paste on my competition smile. “Then I’m really, really happy for you.”
I don’t bother sying goodbye to anyone. The guys are busy doing a deep dive on the Euro League, so I just wave to Maggie and head back to my dorm, where I promptly crawl into my tiny bed, burst into tears, and wait for sleep to claim me.
Holy fuckballs, this sucks.
29
Mickey
Now that my classes really don’t matter, college is a breeze. I still have to pass everything so I don’t owe this place even more money, but there’s no pressure. I don’t have the crazy schedule of hockey season to contend with, and I don’t have the prospect of a vague, unsatisfying future in front of me. No player ever knows how long they’ll play, of course, or what kind of career they’ll have, but I’llhave a fucking hockey career and that’s really all I’ve ever wanted.
Well, that and Viv McDonald.
One out of two ain’t bad, right?
Wrong. It’s terrible. Soul-crushing, actually.
I’ve done my best to avoid Viv these past few weeks, and it hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be, but I guess that makes sense. She’s busy finishing up her degree and probably avoiding me as studiously as I’m dodging her.
But that’s not possible today. It’s Calla’s first birthday party, so of course we’re both here. And of course we both arrived bright and early to help with all the setup.
We danced around each other all morning, but now I’m hanging out at the fire pit with the guys, and she’s playing inthe kiddie pool with Calla. And she’s wearing a green bikini and looking hot as hell. Because of course, she is.
“You getting excited?”
There’s a pause, and I realize Dime is talking to me while I’ve been staring at Viv. Damn right, I’m getting excited. But that’s not what he means. “Yeah,” I answer. “It’s gonna be good. I’ve had some video chats and almost all the guys speak English, so I should be okay. I downloaded a guide to conversational Polish. Might listen to that on the plane. I might also fall asleep.”
“I thin it’s fucking tits that you’re going, man,” Jenksy says, coming to join us. “I mean, what’s left for you here, you know? You could play, sure, but you’re actually making money in Poland. Plus, after shit went down with you and Viv, well, you probably don’t want a whole bunch of reminders of her all over the house or on campus, am I right?”
I hate to admit it, but Jenksy is right. I can’t think of Bainbridge without thinking of Viv. Of course, I also can’t think without thinking of Viv, but I’m working on that. I know these guys believe I’ve moved on, but that’s just not true. Viv McDonald isn’t the kind of woman you ever get over. I’ll always love her. Being half way across the world isn’t going to change that.
The subject changes to the lineup for next year and the new guys who are coming in. I might not play for BU any more, but I love talking hockey, and I’m excited for their next season.
Once the sun sets, the party winds down and guys start to head home. Okay, they head out to actual parties that will last all night and serve alcohol, but it’s pretty much the same thing.
I’m gonna stick around and be part of the clean up crew, and not just on the off chance I might get to see Viv. I’m here to help my best buddy.
And also to try to talk to Viv. I hate the way we left things between us a few weeks ago. And I hate that we’ve been avoidingeach other ever since. I don’t know what to do or how to make it right, but there’s a hole in my heart where she belongs.
My plan is to stick around long enough and then see if she wants to walk home together, but when I see her struggling with a trash can that’s approximately as big as she is, I intervene.
I don’t even ask if she needs help. She obviously didn’t choose to wrestle this trash can, so I grab onto it and pull down until the bag is free.
“Thanks, I—” She stops when she realizes it’s me.
“No problem,” I say, rocking back on my heels. Dammit. I suck at this.
“So, are you getting excited for Poland?”
“Yeah, for sure. But I loved it here, too,” I tell her honestly. But once the words start flowing, they don’t stop. “This place gave me so much. I mean, I might not be getting a degree or anything, but I’ve had some much good stuff happen here over the past few years—JT, my extended family, my niece, my freaking hockey career… and you. The best thing this place ever gave me was you. Things kinda crashed and burned there, huh? I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. Lighting shit on fire is what I do, right?”
“Mick—”
