“No, of course not. He would never do that. I’m just saying, it’s easier if I deal with everything in Indiana on my own. Caesar is a loner anyway. He doesn’t want this.”
I notice that my hand is shaking, and there’s a frog in my throat. I might start crying again because now I’m thinking about how I pushed Caesar away when all I really want is to have him right back here with me.
“Or maybe he does,” Piper offers kindly. “Maybe he’s perfectly happy being there for you when you’re upset.”
“No one’s happy to be around sad people.”
“I want to be around Gabriella when she’s sad.”
“That’s because you love her,” I point out, then suck my lips into my mouth when I hear the word.
When Caesar’s upset, I don’t want to run away from him. I just want to kiss him and cuddle him and find a way to make him smile again.
Oh my god. I think I’m in love with Caesar.
“You’re always trying to smooth things over, Drew. You want to make everyone happy, and I get it. With your mom and especially with her sickness, it was just easier that way. But you can’t keep pushing your own needs aside. You have to take care of yourself first, Drew. It’s long past time for that.”
My knees are weak. Piper’s advice and the realization that I might actually have fallen in love with Caesar are both more than I can handle.
“I’m trying to take care of myself,” I tell her. “I’m trying to pack my stuff, and I really am going to move back to Chicago. But I have to sell the house first and figure out what’s happening with the business. And since I don’t have a degree, I’ll—”
“Drew!” Piper cuts me off.
“What?”
“That doesn’t sound like taking care of yourself. That sounds like listing excuses. What is it that you want?”
I chew my lip. All the fears are still there, the worries that my life is permanently derailed, that a man like Caesar could never truly want a confused and lost kid like me.
But even through the insecurity, it’s still easy to find the answer to Piper’s question.
“Caesar,” I tell her. “I want Caesar.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
CAESAR
Five days later
I lay backon the couch, one leg kicked to the ground, and stare at my phone. I have to hold it out to see it clearly, and I scroll up and down with my thumb as I look over the few messages I’ve knocked back and forth with Drew.
It’s not much.Hope you had a safe drive,a picture of Grace, him finally watchingStargateand telling me what he thinks.
I even got Rafael to put the thing in my phone so I can see those little squares, spaceships and blushing faces he keeps sending me.
Fuck, it hurts.
It’s three in the afternoon, and I’ve been restless all day. I want to ask Drew how in the hell he’s doing, call him up and just listen to his sweet voice. But now that I know I’m not right for him, I’m turning back into a goddamn brick wall.
Here in Chicago, I know I’m not doing a good job of hiding my feelings. All I do is go straight between Blade and home, and most days, I barely say two words to anyone but Grace. I know I’m a storm cloud in the shop, but I can’t help myself.
Something’s wrong with my head if I really thought I could be with a man as good as Drew.
Grace growls and sits up, then jogs over to the door. I walk after her and pull it open. There’s a blue sedan in the driveway, and when the engine cuts, Drew steps out.
Drew. The man I love.
I freeze, my hand on the doorknob. He’s wearing his standard uniform, a collared shirt that’s casually unbuttoned at the top, paired with some snug jeans. He stretches his arm, lifting it above his head, then turns and spots me.
