We’re in love. It’s really true.
Rafael loves me.
He pulls his lips back, and I realize I’m crying and that Rafael is crying, too. He takes his glasses off and wipes his eyes. “I don’t know why it took me so long to realize,” he says. “And then when I did, I was scared I was going to lose you.”
“You never wanted a relationship,” I say. “So I always thought that having more with you was impossible.”
Rafael’s eyes widen. Then he puts his glasses back on. “You mean you knew? You’ve been in love with me?”
I stumble over my words. “I mean, yes. But you never wanted a relationship,” I repeat.
Rafael smiles, holding my gaze steady. “I guess I didn’t need to want a relationship, since I already had a great one.”
“Aw,” I say, then laugh and wipe at my eyes again. “Rafael.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t believe you knew, weirdo.”
“Weirdo, I can’t believe you didn’t know.”
We smile at each other, laugh, and then Rafael pulls me into another kiss. We kick sand at our feet and stumble back and forth, groping and kissing, the smell of the lake in the air.
When we finally finish, I slide my hand down to his. “We have a lot we should talk about later,” I tell him.
Rafael bumps his shoulder against mine. “I’m sure you’ll make some lists.”
I bite my lip, grinning, then bump his shoulder back. “But maybe we can go home now? I want to tell you that I love you in my bed.”
CHAPTERNINETEEN
RAFAEL
Alexander has always beenin love with me.
Years of memories come flooding back, time we spent together when I was totally oblivious. He looked at me with love, sure, but I looked at him the same way.
Which all kind of makes sense, as I think about it.
I feel a little sad, thinking of him wanting me for so long, not knowing if I felt the same way. I wish that I could go back in time and shake myself, but I also feel loved.
Alexander has seen me like pretty much no one else has. He knows everything about me, my deepest flaws included. It makes me squirm, thinking now of everything he knows, everything we’ve shared over the years, all that he’s seen.
And he loves me, still.
We get back to the apartment, and Alexander and I immediately start kissing. He’s so excited, his energy rises up in a way it hasn’t before. He grabs me a little tighter and licks at my beard. It’s fucking hot, and I grind my hips against his in response, Madame President meowing with alarm at our feet.
“Modesty, Madame President,” I hiss at her, and Alexander laughs.
“My room,” he says. “Okay?”
I hoist him up on my hip. Alexander laughs as I carry him the few steps to his bedroom and use my foot to bump the door shut. My thighs burn, and we laugh again as we each fall to the bed, then roll into a kiss.
I’m not going to lose him. I don’t have to give Alexander up or learn to live without him. He loves me, too, and the realization of what this all means thrums through my body, filling me more and more with each heartbeat.
“You want to make a future with me?” I ask him. Alexander is on his back, the sheets fresh beneath him, and I’m straddling his hips as I unbutton his work shirt. “Even though I’m such a mess?”
He drags his fingers through my beard. “If you’re a mess, then you’re the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen.”
I fall onto him with another kiss. Alexander pulls my shirt off, pawing at me. We’re both sweating and gasping for breath as we undress each other, and the light brings out the freckles beneath his eyes.
