He shrugs. “Just in case I was wrong. I figured, even if it doesn’t work out, we can be friends, right?”
“Friends,” I agree. “That sounds nice.”
By the time I get back to the apartment, I decide that I’m not going to wait until our date tomorrow. I’m going to tell Rafael exactly how I feel tonight. Hearing Davis gives me the final boost that I need. He saw how perfect we were together years ago, probably everyone did, and after dreading the conversation with him, I feel light to have cleared the air.
The way Rafael acted last night comes back to me. When I mentioned the drink, he got upset. It’s not really like him to huff off like that. It’s not that he doesn’t get down or moody sometimes. Hell, everyone does.
But when he told me I should date Davis, it was like he was pushing me. His energy changed, and the warmth that had flowed between us a second earlier disappeared, troubling me.
I stand at the rear door to our apartment, the keys in my hand. I’m not going to chicken out now. I’ve done that a million times already, but this is going to be different.
I’m going to tell Rafael that I love him, and I just have to believe that he won’t push me away like last night. What I feel between us is real, and I know that Rafael is true to himself. He must need this, too.
It has to finally be real. It just has to.
When I get inside, the only sound is coming from his bedroom. I wish I had more time to prepare what I’m going to say. I should make him dinner, dress up nice, and do all those romantic things that I’ve dreamed about doing for him for years.
But now that I know what I need to say, I can’t wait any longer.
There’s electronic music playing in his room. I knock, then knock again, then louder. My pulse quickens when he still doesn’t answer. “Rafael,” I call out. “I’m opening your door.”
When I do, his room is empty. He’s left the music on, and from the mess on his desk, he was in the middle of working on something when he walked away. Confused, I pull out my phone quickly and send him a text.Just got home. Where are you?
His reply comes instantly.At the beach.
I look outside. It’s dark, and the city is already getting quiet.The beach by our place? Why?
Just needed some air.
Rafael never goes to the beach on his own; he always just goes with me. And it’s strange that he walked away from his work like that. Something tells me that I just need to get to him, so I hop on my bike and pedal fast, pumping my legs hard as I fly down the quiet streets, then jog across the sand.
“Rafael!” I holler when I see him. He’s by the water, and there’s something dangling from his hand. The beach is fairly empty, although people are still jogging and biking down the path, and a few small groups have gathered near the dock.
When I get closer, I see that Rafael has a recyclable trash bag, half-filled, and that he’s wearing a pair of the work gloves we use for beach clean. I blink, surprised, then notice his expression through the dim light.
Rafael’s face falls toward a frown, and tears run down to his beard.
The waves crash the shore, the wind picking up. “Rafael,” I whisper, alarmed, and cross over, taking him in my arms. “What’s wrong?”
He drops the bag and squeezes me, pulling me to his chest. “Nothing’s wrong now,” he says softly, then squeezes me harder.
My voice dies in my throat. There’s a warmth at my core that’s growing. It feels like the sun, rising at dawn, even though the night is dark around us.
I step back, then run my fingers over his beard. “Are you picking up trash?”
He smiles weakly. “I don’t know why. I just needed something to do.” He lets out a shuddering breath. “I was thinking about you,” he adds softly.
I’m not sure what happened to pull Rafael to the beach or why there are clouds in his eyes. But even in all the confusion, the fact that he came here shines out clearly. He’s cleaning the beach and thinking of me, and my hand is on his cheek, and we’re together, just like we should be.
“I love you,” I say.
I don’t mean to say it right then, but the words come out anyway. They’ve been waiting, hesitating on my lips for years. The moment was never right, but now I’ve told him the truth, and it hums in the air between us, undeniable.
“I love you,” I say again, my voice stronger. “And I want to be with you, Rafael. Really be with you. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted.”
A moment passes in silence. “I love you, too, Alexander,” Rafael finally says. He reaches out his hand and rests it on the back of my head, then pulls me in. He holds my gaze, and my eyes sting. “I think I’ve always been in love with you.”
There aren’t any more words. The waves beat the shore, and Rafael kisses me. I know this kiss, the feel of his tongue against my teeth, the give of his lip. He kisses me, and I kiss him back, desperate to feel every inch of his body.
