“Tattoo boyfriend?” I ask.
“Sure. That’s what Matty and I call each other. Well, he tried to call us the Real Tattoo Wives of Chicago at first, but I managed to talk him down to something more reasonable.”
Matty and Milo are both madly in love with artists who work at the shop where Rafael is starting, and it’s true that I’m in love with a tattoo artist now, too, but there are some significant differences.
“I’m not Rafael’s boyfriend,” I point out, then take a big bite of my hummus-and-vegetable sandwich.
“Sure,” Milo agrees, “that’s why I said honorary. But you two are friend-married.” He stabs some more of his salad. “That kind of counts, right?”
“I mean, I guess.” I look out over the park, then laugh awkwardly. “Sorry, what did you just say?”
Milo tilts his head to the side. “Alexander?” he says sweetly. “Something up?”
I glance at him and consider what I should say. Our friend group have all seen each other through a lot, and like everyone else, Milo accepts that Rafael and I are just particularly close. He knows us both as well as just about anyone alive.
“Nothing’s up,” I say, then shake my head. “I’m excited to be an honorary tattoo boyfriend. Rafael’s really hyped about this, so I’m just really hyped about it, too.” My voice lifts at the end of the sentence, although I don’t mean it to, and then I give Milo a thumbs-up.
Totally convincing.
Milo wrinkles his forehead. “You don’t want Rafael to be a tattoo artist?” he asks, confused.
“No, it’s not that,” I say quickly.
I sit there, flustered, but then I realize something. I never talk about my true feelings for Rafael, not with anyone. But there’s plenty more to talk about than unrequited longing now. “Just one second,” I say, then pull out my phone and send a quick text to Rafael.
Can I tell Milo we’re having sex?
The reply is instant, a thumbs up for the message and then a bunch of flower emojis.
I set my phone down, take a deep breath, and then say it. “Rafael and I hooked up.”
Milo’s mouth falls open. “Oh my god,” he whispers slowly. His eyes dart around the park. “Like,hooked up?” he repeats.
“Yes, but it’s just for a thing.”
“A thing?”
I drop my voice lower, even though there’s no one around who could hear us, let alone anyone we know. “You know how I don’t have much experience. He’s helping me get comfortable.”
“Oh,” Milo says, like that explains it. “Cool, I guess. Isn’t that weird, though?”
“We’ve only done it once,” I confess. “It doesn’t have to be weird, right?”
“No, it’s kind of sweet, honestly. And very Rafael. You two are always so good to each other, you know?” He stabs some more salad, taking my announcement in. “I guess if you haven’t developed feelings for each other yet, you probably won’t just because you’ve had sex, right?”
“Right,” I agree, although my heart twists. That’s probably true. Just because we have fun sex, Rafael isn’t going to suddenly decide he wants to be with me. He doesn’t want to be with anyone, not like that, and if I were going to be the one to change his mind, that would have happened years ago.
I don’t even want to change his mind, not really. I love Rafael the way he is.
“You don’t think it’s a bad idea?” I ask Milo.
“Honestly, I don’t,” he answers. A wind picks up through the park, ruffling his shirt. “I didn’t really have any confidence until I got with Joey, but now that I do, it’s really good for me. If Rafael can help you get there, that’s great.” He smiles, the sun on his cheeks. “You’re so practical about things, and Rafael is so set against having a relationship. If any two friends can do something like that and keep it uncomplicated, it’s you two.”
“Definitely,” I manage. “Uncomplicated.”
CHAPTERTEN
RAFAEL
