“Ugh, that reminds me of this club in LA. It opens at three in the morning, and they have these rotating platforms—” I caught myself, then took another sip from the wine to recover. All night, I’d been walking a line, trying not to give Noah the impression I was some kind of degenerate, andthatstory was definitely one that went too far. “Anyway, yeah. Hope your client comes to reason.”
Noah smiled awkwardly, not falling for it. “I know what your life is like, Jet,” he told me. He and Peyton were on the opposite side of the table from me, and I suddenly felt caught by their eyes. “And I actually listened to your music sometimes, believe it or not. I have no problem with you being bi, or partying a lot, or any of it. Bars with scandalous things on rotating platforms aren’t for me, but I get it.” He frowned slightly. “I’m not here to judge you,” he added, a defensive edge to his voice.
An unfamiliar sensation rolled through me. A part of my brain screamed that he was wrong, that Noah might want to mean what he said, but in honesty, he did still carry the same judgment as our parents, buried deep inside. But another part of me was desperate to take him at his word. Here he was, making a gesture, and I had to believe he meant it.
“Uh, I’m glad to hear that, Noah. Thank you for saying something.” My voice came out strained, tugged down by emotion, but I managed to smile. “Thanks.”
Noah chuckled, then reached across the table and patted Peyton’s arm. “Sorry to catch you in the awkward family moments.”
Peyton shook his head quickly. “Don’t apologize.” He glanced my way only for a moment, and when our eyes caught, I saw a whole world in the look on his face. He was happy, proud even. He’d witnessed that moment, and he must have known how much it meant to me.
He was happy for me.
Fuck, he was going to come out of the closet for me.
Everything was making my head spin.
“I’m just glad you two are getting to know each other,” Peyton added.
Noah gave him an appreciate smile, then turned back to me. “You being a famous party-hopping DJ is something I can get used to. Those muscles, though,” he chuckled, “they’re out of control, Jet.”
I laughed. “What?” I lifted my arm up and posed, popping my bicep. “You remember how much energy I had as a kid. This is how I live with it.”
Noah snorted. “I wish I had some of that energy. I’m horrible at working out.”
“You’re stuck in the office all day, I’m sure. It seems like you’re incredibly busy.”
“Peyton finds time, though,” Noah said, then nodded to Peyton. “He’s at the gym three times a week, religiously.”
Peyton shrugged. “My friend Blake is a fitness guy. He’s started organizing everyone’s routines. I’m pretty sure he’ll have enough people coordinated for small classes soon.”
“You two should hit the gym together,” Noah said. “Peyton’s been talking about wanting to put on more muscle lately. I’m sure you’ve got moves for him.”
Peyton tightened his jaw. I could tell he didn’t like Noah sharing that information, and like me, he was slightly flustered by the idea of getting hot and sweaty together. Watching him unravel a little, like he did, lit me up, and I had to battle down a spike of lust.
Focus.
“Yeah, maybe,” Peyton answered, then quickly redirected. “How about you, Jet? You’ve been putting all your old music online, right?”
“Sure, and playing around with some new stuff, maybe an album.” When Noah leaned forward slightly, interested, I took the encouragement and shared more about my work with him. “People like my old sets, so the streams I’m getting will pay the bills for a while. But I’ve always thought I’d like to branch out and mess around with other kinds of music. I figure now’s the time.”
The energy started to shift, easing back into a normal conversation after that brief minute of heightened sincerity with Noah. It felt good enough just to be with my brother and relaxing, but when I caught the pleased smile on Peyton’s face and remembered how proud he’d looked earlier, I stopped myself.
Noah had opened to me in a real way, and I should do the same back. I had the chance now, and I wasn’t naïve enough to think it would always be there.
“Actually, Noah, I wanted to say something, too.”
Noah’s eyebrows lifted. “Oh?”
I took a deep breath. “Thinking about our parents… I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch with you after Dad kicked me out. I was the older brother, and I should have found a way to call. I’m not trying to give you any excuses or make it right, except that I just wanted to say I’m sorry for that.”
Relief washed through me. I’d needed to say that to him for a long time, and just letting the words out, I was already lighter.
“Kicked you out? Mom and Dad said you left on your own.”
I shook my head. “What? I mean, Dad yelled that he wouldn’t have a kid like me living under his roof and packed my bags for me.” It hit me how he would have framed it all to Noah once I was gone. Of course he did. “Fucking hell, that bastard.”
I tightened my hands into fists. Shit. This was the last place I wanted the conversation to go. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t call him that. I know you’re close. I don’t want to put you in a position like that.”
