I’ve never done a friends with benefits situation, if that’s the right way to describe what I’m suggesting. But I know that I’m not ready to let go of Joey yet, even if I have to try to push aside some of my dreams.
Joey smiles, relief washing over him. “Yeah, I do. Thanks for understanding, Milo.” He squeezes my hand tighter, and my heart jumps. “I’ve been keeping that secret for as long as I can remember.”
I squeeze his hand back. “I’m glad you told me.”
Joey lets out a deep breath. He looks exhausted, the corners of his eyes creased. “I’m kind of wiped out, but you want to watch a movie or something? Spend the night?”
“That’s exactly what I want,” I tell him with a smile.
Joey goes to use the bathroom, and I pause and wipe a couple of tears away. He’s finally opening up to me and sharing the truth, and I’ve been desperate for that, but this whole thing makes my heart hurt.
I let out a shaky breath, and in that moment, it finally hits me.
I’m falling in love with Joey.
CHAPTEREIGHTEEN
JOEY
The next morning,Milo is still fast asleep when I wake. I let myself keep close for a minute, and I listen to his breathing until I’m awake. Then I crawl out of bed, quietly dress myself, and throw a note on the table before I sneak downstairs.
I need coffee from the corner store, if I’m going to wake Milo up with it.
Chicago is hitting spring, and it’s warm enough that I only need my hoodie to walk down the block in the morning light. I’ve got a strange feeling, something I can’t make sense of. It’s uncomfortable having shared the truth about my family with Milo. I trust him, but telling another person about the family business flies against everything I was raised to believe. But still, at the same time, there’s relief in it, too.
Milo knows the truth, and he’s still here, at least long enough for me to bring him coffee in bed.
I rub my hand over my face as I leave the corner store. I’m not sure what’s going to happen next. Maybe the truth of what I said will sink in, and Milo will back away on his own. We might be able to keep hooking up for a while. I fucking hope we can and that I can keep riding this high while it’s possible. It’s nothing close to what I actually want with him, a real life together, but it’s better than nothing.
Eventually, we’re going to have to call it quits. He’ll find someone to settle down with and have a proper relationship, like he deserves, or maybe I’ll even cave first and call it off. Milo feels so good it hurts, so maybe eventually, I won’t be able to bear the pain of not truly having him.
All my thoughts disappear, though, when I get back to Blade. There are two men standing in front of the building, both kind of hunched over and messing with the buzzer. It takes me a second to process, and then I think I might be hallucinating or something, but it’s true.
It’s Chuck, one of my dad’s trusted workers at the dock, and Adrian.
Adrian, who played me like a fool, tricking me into caring for him just to get at the business.
Fuck, this isn’t good. How in the fuck did they find me?
Chuck turns first. “There you are,” he says and rubs his hands together in front of him. He’s tall, with lanky arms and stringy red hair. He doesn’t look that tough, but I know he’s as strong as they come and always just waiting for a chance to throw the first punch. “We thought your buzzer was broken or some shit.”
“It is,” I tell him, thanking god internally that it didn’t work and bring Milo down to greet them. I stand back on the sidewalk, still a good ten feet away, like I’m approaching a rattlesnake.
“You know Adrian here?”
Finally, because I can’t avoid it anymore, I look at Adrian. He’s about my height, a little stockier, and with a thick, black beard. His eyes are dull, like he doesn’t care about this at all, and he grinds his jaw while he stares at me. He’s got a big envelope in one hand and a steaming paper cup of coffee in the other.
Something jabs me in the heart. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think he meant something. He’s trash in an expensive leather jacket and boots. He’s not strong enough to be anything but miserable and small.
Nothing like Milo. Not even close.
“Yeah,” I answer evenly. “He worked on my crew.”
Then Adrian smiles. “Might work on the same crew again, in fact,” he says, and the words chill me.
Chuck nods up toward my apartment. “You going to invite us up or not?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Milo’s in there, so fuck no, they’re not getting any closer than they are right now. Just having them on the same block as him sets my brain on fire. These are dangerous men, and it’s my fucking fault if anything happens to Milo because of them.
