I grunted. “Don’t apologize. Anyway, breakfast is ready.”
I kind of wanted to say more. I wanted to reassure him things would be fine, and his brother would be chill. But considering I was still wrestling with how good this all felt and wrapped up in my own questions about what I needed to tell Peyton, I couldn’t quite find the words for it.
Anyway, I’d found a way to at least start talking to Russell, and it felt good enough to just feed him and Casey breakfast. I loaded up the plates with lots of protein, set them out on the counter with hot sauce, and refilled everyone’s coffees. With all three of us there, the size of the ridiculously big breakfast I liked almost made sense for once, and I smiled as the guys started to pack the food in.
“Speaking of your sexy makeup,” Casey said to Russell, “is that going to be a regular feature?”
Russell laughed. “Maybe? I hope so,” he said, like he was confessing something.
I wanted to reach out and rub my thumb across the smudged purple around his eyes. If he were Casey, I would have just done it to be playful and because I wanted to. But I wasn’t sure if that was how I was supposed to act with Russell, so I just sat there instead, wishing I could.
“Are you exploring anything with your gender?” Casey asked casually. “Are you nonbinary, or?”
Russell shook his head. “No, but thanks for checking. I’ve thought about it, and I’m sure I’m a guy, just like I’m sure I’m gay. I just haven’t had the confidence to actually dress like, um, myself.”
I was relieved that Casey had the right questions to ask. It was a little embarrassing, actually, how little I knew about that kind of stuff. But I tried to smile and give an encouraging nod, so Russell knew I cared.
“I guess Peyton doesn’t know that you guys hook up, either?” Russell asked as he glanced between us. “You’re not out to him as bi, Blake?”
I kind of froze. Casey and I didn’t really talk about that, especially not at the breakfast table. It made sense that Russell would ask; it was just that talking about it would mean potentially talking about all the other things.
And with Russell there, all the other things were getting way more complicated.
Russell blinked, then laughed. “Based on the stunned look on your faces, you two don’t talk about this, do you?”
Casey leaned back in his chair. “I wouldn’t call it our favorite conversation topic, exactly.”
I chuckled. “Peyton doesn’t know we hook up sometimes,” I said, answering his question. “And, uh, I haven’t come out as anything. To anyone.”
Russell stabbed some egg with his fork. “Are you… straight?” he asked, uncertain.
I looked at Casey, and my eyes drifted from the lips I loved to bite down to the curve in his neck where I buried my face sometimes. When I turned to Russell, the needy moans he let out last night came rushing back to me, and my heart jumped.
“I’m pretty sure I’m not straight.”
Whoa. Shit. I couldn’t believe that I just admitted that out loud, but the words hung in the air, forcing me to hear them. It seemed obvious, but then again, it took Casey years of secretly hooking up with me before he admitted he was bi, too.
“Oh,” Russell said. “Cool. I’m, um… cool.”
He broke out in a nervous but happy laugh and quickly covered his face. It was fucking adorable, and it broke the tension. Casey and I both laughed with him, and when Russell finally looked up again, his cheeks were pink. “What?” he asked, shy again.
Casey leaned forward, then took his thumb and swiped some of the makeup off of Russell’s face. “That’s what,” he teased, showing his thumb to Russell with a grin.
It was exactly what I’d wanted to do a minute ago, and for some reason, watching Casey do it was nearly as satisfying.
Russell laughed again and pushed his hand away. “The eyeshadow does look pretty good the next morning, huh?” he asked.
I chuckled. “Yeah, it does,” I admitted.
Russell looked down at his coffee. “I’ve never hooked up with two guys at once before. I don’t know if that was a one-time thing, or what…”
He trailed off, and I spoke up before I could think about it. “I’d do it again,” I said. “If you wanted.”
Casey looked at me, surprised, although probably not as surprised as I was.
Starting a thing with my best friend and our other best friend’s younger brother still was a potential disaster. I barely knew what I was doing when it came to sex and that kind of stuff, and a voice in the back of my head insisted that I could end up costing myself every important relationship in my life if I screwed this up somehow.
But I also knew that I wanted this. Whatever flames had sometimes flared between Casey and me over the years, now that all three of us were together, they were blazing steadily. This didn’t feel like an itch I could easily scratch and then forget about. This was like pure, explosive potential, humming in the air between us.
