The right thing to do is to leave Matty alone. He can achieve his dreams without me, and at least I can take some comfort in knowing I didn’t fuck him up along the way.
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
MATTY
“It’s day two,”Ayla says from my doorway, a rainbow mug in her hand.
“That’s two days too many,” Milo replies.
I’m lying in bed, depressed as I’ve ever been. A blanket is tangled around my body, and my face is buried in the pillow. I’ve left the shades down so even though it’s well past noon, the only light comes from my laptop, which plays oldSailor Moonepisodes in an endless stream.
“Okay, Matty,” Milo says as he plops down on the bed. “Time for a new day, don’t you think?”
“And a little sunshine,” Ayla adds, opening the shades.
I groan and flip over onto my back. “I’m allergic to sunlight. It’s a new and rare condition.”
“I’ll make sure to pick you up some sunglasses,” Milo says sweetly, then pats my feet. “Whatever it takes to get you back in the studio.”
As though I needed more proof that I was hopelessly torn up about Stone; now Milo is sitting in my bed and saying the sweetest things ever to me, and my heart hasn’t even skipped.
“It’s no use,” I complain. “I don’t get any work done when I’m in there. I just sit and stare at the wall and pout.”
Ayla sits down on my other side and offers the mug, sending a waft of fresh coffee scent my way. “That’s what you’re doing here, too,” she points out.
I pull myself up on my elbows and take the coffee. Milo is wearing his pink jeans, and Ayla has on a dress with black and pink stripes, complimenting his look. They both offer me hesitant, encouraging smiles, and even though I want to stay curled up in my despair, it does help.
With friends like them caring for me, things can’t be totally awful.
“I miss Stone,” I admit.
Ayla folds her legs underneath herself. “Why don’t you call him?”
I frown into the mug. “Because every time I do, I have flashbacks of watching those guys beat the crap out of him.”
The vision of Stone’s beautiful face, contorted in pain, comes rushing back to me. I shudder and set the mug on the nightstand.
“You used to struggle with anxiety a lot more when I first met you,” Ayla points out. “It was a regular part of your life. But you saw a therapist and processed through the bullying.”
“Yeah,” Milo encourages. “If you got past it then, you can get past it now.”
Heat flames my cheeks, and tears gather in the corner of my eyes. I hate what I’m about to admit, but with my best friends there, I finally feel safe enough to admit it.
“What if this is who Stone is? What if his life is always going to be like this? I only got over the bullying because I was able to hide away with my friends where I know I won’t have to face stuff like that.” My voice cracks, and I grab the coffee for another sip. “How can I be with Stone if being with Stone makes me feel like this?”
“Technically, it’snotbeing with Stone that makes you feel like this,” Milo adds. “But Matty, I think you’re being too harsh on yourself. You and Stone have been boyfriends for a couple months. I’m sure you know him well enough to know that he’s not some violent criminal.”
Ayla and I exchange a quick glance.
Milo tilts his head to the side. “What?”
“We haven’t exactly been boyfriends for two months,” I admit. The lie just feels too heavy to hold up right now, and with Milo acting so supportive, I owe him the truth. “We were just pretending to be boyfriends at first.”
Ayla sucks her lips in and glances between us, not saying a thing.
“What?” Milo asks, confused.
“It’s a long story. I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend because I thought it might make you interested in me again,” I say, then tilt my eyes up to read his startled expression. “Sorry. For what it’s worth, it was before Hilton and way before I realized I had feelings for Stone. I understand that you and I are supposed to be friends now.”
