I want to walk over and plop down right beside him. There’s a million things on my mind, and I want to share them all with one of my best friends, knowing he’ll listen and make me feel better.
Instead, though, I plop into the armchair across from him. Work’s a mess, but the thing that’s really on my mind is Stone, and I can’t talk about him with Milo at all, not with the lies I’ve trapped myself in.
“I’m back,” I say. “Spent the day working on my film.”
“That’s great,” Milo says with an encouraging smile.
“About time,” Ayla adds as she enters from the kitchen.
I stick my tongue out at her. “I was working all day, you’ll be happy to hear. What are you two up to?”
“Milo came over for pizza,” Ayla answers.
“And to try to hang with you,” Milo adds.
Ayla catches my eye, and I realize something might be up. “I was just about to run to the corner store,” she says. “We’re out of coffee. I’ll leave you two alone for a minute?”
I chew on my bottom lip. It’s so weird to feel awkward around Milo, but suddenly, a wave of uncertainty washes over me.
“I figured out what I’m doing for my birthday next weekend,” he says brightly. “Do you still have your Friday free?”
“Definitely,” I say, grateful that I’d picked up a present for him a month ago, before my brain got all broken by Stone.
“I found a vacation house a couple hours north of the city, right on a lake. There’s plenty of room for everyone, so I wanted you to know, Stone is invited, too. Friday night.”
I tilt my head to the side, surprised. “You want Stone to come to your birthday party?”
Milo leans forward. “Yeah, I do,” he says, then dances his fingers over his knee, a nervous gesture that means he’s trying to figure out how to say something. “I know that you and I are sometimes awkward around each other’s new boyfriends, but that’s why I was so happy when I saw you and Stone together.”
The storm of emotions in my head stirs. “You were?”
“Yeah! Sometimes, I kind of thought you might have a thing for me still—”
“Absolutely not,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Damn it. I’m supposed to be admitting these feelings soon.
Like now, for instance, might be a good time.
“Now I know you don’t,” Milo smiles. “When I saw you and Stone, you looked so happy and natural. It’s funny, but you just look right together.”
I can practically hear the screeching record noise. It’s like glass shatters inside of me. “Wow,” I manage to stutter out. “That’s really nice of you to say, Milo.”
He shrugs, popping his shoulders lightly. “It’s also why I wanted to tell you I’ve been dating someone new. Hilton, his name is. It’s only been a few weeks, and I’ve been trying to go slow, but I think we might have something special, too.”
“Hilton,” I say, the name feeling like smoke in my mouth.
I’m jealous and guilty and anxious and confused all at the same time. Milo telling me he’s fallen for someone else feels like having a dream ripped away from me.
We’re not even sitting on the couch together like we always do.
Why in the hell aren’t we sitting on the couch together?
Maybe it’s the exhaustion, but I feel like crying. The most confusing part of all of it, though, is that something deep inside of me reaches out, begging for Stone.
I want to get in my car, drive back across town, and crawl into Stone’s bed. I want to bury my face in his scent and stretch out on his thin sheets and listen to him snore until everything feels good and normal again.
I want Stone, and that means I can’t have Milo.
