It was one thing just to see the people I cared about proclaiming their love to each other. That got me the second Shawn opened his mouth and started it all out. But as they each took turns sharing stories, I was glad for the soft gray clouds that occasionally floated over the sun.
Less light helped cover the tears in my eyes. And in an open meadow, with benches scattered all around, I was starting to feel pretty teary, especially for a guy who liked to keep his emotions concealed.
In that moment, I was able to admit to myself how much I wanted something like all the other guys had. I was so used to putting my romantic needs out of mind and just assuming that a relationship would come along when it came along.
Or not. I imagined that permanent singledom might be in the cards for me, too, since I’d made it thirty years without actually falling in love.
But watching the people around me fall deeper and deeper into their relationships, I felt what was missing from my life in a different way. I was off here, standing by myself on the side, while my friends found this happiness, a companionship and commitment that I also longed for.
I looked to Izzy, watching from the seats. He glowed, and his cheeks had a sexy dimple when he smiled my way.
I took in a breath. The way I wanted to turn to him so intensely? It had to be because of the wedding. Even when I had crushes in the past, I never felt this intense response to someone.
There was just something about his movements and his smile. And I had started to notice how graceful his hands were, too.
River finished his vows. He’d tied some blue-and-white flowers into a garland and hung them around his neck, the forget-me-nots that Izzy had pointed out, and he fingered them as he leaned forward and met Leo in their wedding kiss.
I clapped along with everyone and pulled myself back to the moment. I was surprised to admit to myself that I wanted something like this ceremony, too, but it was true. I might prefer a much smaller crowd, and I wouldn’t dress anything like River in his lilac suit and his hair pinned back with wildflowers.
But as the ceremony ended, I made a promise to myself. It was time to stop waiting around and start going for what I wanted.
* * *
For just a minuteat the reception that evening, I thought I had lost Izzy.
I figured he’d be safe while I ran off to get a drink. When I left, my moms had him locked deep in a conversation about weather patterns, which he seemed to love.
Still, I rushed back. My day had been filled with hosting and best man duties, and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t left without company for too long.
Or maybe I just wanted to hang out with him as much as possible? That was a definite possibility.
I looked around the cavernous cedar hall. The big doors were open to the outside, and a cool breeze was coming in, with the promise of rain later.
“Kai, come dance!”
I turned and saw that a group of tipsy Silver Lining employees had dragged Izzy out onto the dance floor. He was clearly indulging them, with a strained smile on his face and his arms awkward and tight by his side.
But damn if my eyes didn’t go straight to the bounce of his hips. It was gentle, barely there with his stiff posture, but I’d spot that sway anywhere.
I hurried out to the dance floor, and the employees cheered as I joined them. Quickly, I found my place by Izzy’s side and offered him an apologetic smile. “Sorry! They can be a little too enthusiastic.”
Xavier danced up to us, bright green makeup accenting his dark eyes. “We were just grilling Izzy,” he said over the music. “He’s like you—he hasn’t dated anyone in ages!”
I winced. It was definitely time to get away from the drunk, gossipy employees, and I shuddered to think what else they had said to my shy date.
My fingers glanced Izzy’s arm. “Want to step outside, catch the stars?”
He nodded, relieved. “Thank you. I’d love that.”
We pushed our way through the crowd, and I noticed River and Leo noticing us as we left. They’d found little ways to encourage me so many times throughout the day, I didn’t have to worry about them being mad at me for disappearing.
And with how much of the night River spent sitting in Leo’s lap, it seemed like they were desperate to get back to their private cabin soon anyway.
Izzy and I walked out behind the hall, moving slowly into the meadow where the wedding had taken place.
“It’s warm,” Izzy said, fanning himself.
“All the dancing or the meteorology?” I teased.
