Leo shook his head. “Not really. You?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
I wanted to grab him and squeeze him and cry about the mistakes that we’d made, but I hesitated.
“Coffee?” Leo asked.
I nodded. “Sure.”
We wandered into the kitchen. My glass of wine was still sitting out from the night before, only half full.
“This is why I never trusted myself,” Leo said as he fussed with the coffee.
I sat down at one of the stools and hooked my foot in the rung. “What do you mean?”
Leo frowned. “With a relationship,” he clarified. “Or even a second date. I’m good when I’m focused. I’m good when I have a purpose and a goal that I’m working toward. But whenever I lose that focus, I’m a mess. I screw everything up and hurt everyone’s feelings.”
Pain trembled beneath his deep voice, and my heart ached in response. I could tell he meant every word that he was saying, and I hated that he was so down on himself. I was the one who flirted with him first, and I was the one with the bad habit of falling in love with the wrong people. He’d just gotten caught up in my mess, and now he was paying the price for it.
“It’s like when I was a kid,” he continued. He kept his eyes down even as he stepped closer to me. “I started dating in high school, and the other kids all started to bully me because I was the only out gay person. Instead of dealing with it, I just acted out. I drank too much and ran away from home so I could hook up with guys in the city, and I put all the people I cared about through hell. I hurt my mother, and I wasn’t there for Shawn when he needed me. And I would have stayed a mess, just like that, but I found Kai, and I stumbled into a career I really love, and after that, I held myself together. You know?” He tightened his hands into fists and looked up to me. “Kai got me on the right track, and then I turned around and broke his trust. Don’t you get it, River? I’m not good enough to be in a long-term relationship. I’m not even good enough to be your fuck buddy.”
I stood and stepped forward to throw my arms around Leo’s shoulders, but he tensed, and I stopped halfway. I hated not touching him, and the sensation sent a chill beneath my skin. “You’re good enough, Leo,” I said. “You really are. This whole thing goes back a long time between me and my brother. You can’t blame yourself for my mistakes.”
“No,” he said sadly. “You don’t understand, River. It’s not just Kai who I betrayed. I betrayed you, too. I knew that you were trying to stay out of a relationship, and then I tricked myself into thinking it was okay to get involved with you. It was selfish and wrong, and I’m sorry.”
Pain gripped me from inside, and I blinked back tears. “What’s happening between us, it’s not wrong,” I said softly. “That’s not what this is.”
An ache darkened Leo’s gaze. “I’m sorry that I hurt you,” he said. “I’m sorry that I’m not good enough for you, River.”
I wanted to scream at him that he wasn’t hurting me. My brain was on fire with the words I couldn’t say. I loved him, and I knew that he was good enough for that love. We’d sunk to a deep, deep low, but it only proved to me more that these feelings were real, stronger than anything else I’d called love before.
“You’re good enough for me, Leo,” I finally answered. I was scared to say the rest, my gut tight with anxiety. What would it mean to tell him that now? How could we possibly find our way out of this pit if I told him that I loved him, when loving him was the exact thing Kai had worried I would do?
“You’re good enough,” I repeated.
Leo wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He turned to the coffee machine and poured himself a mug, then another that he handed to me.
“I have an early meeting,” he said. “We need to give Kai time to clear his head. I’ll bring a bag and stay a hotel for a couple of nights. That way, you two can have privacy to talk, okay?”
I wanted to object. Without Leo, I worried I’d become unmoored and fall apart, and spending days without my new favorite person seemed impossible in that moment. But he was right that Kai would appreciate the space, so I nodded weakly instead. “Okay, Leo.”
He pressed his lips to my forehead, held them there as my heart pounded, and then walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Leo
Kaiand I stood across from each other in the meeting room, a long table stretching between us. One of our clients had a gala fundraiser the next weekend, and we each needed to sign off on the plan, but work wasn’t exactly coming easily.
“I feel like I can’t believe a word you say,” Kai said, his jaw clenched.
Beyond the glass walls of the room, our employees hurried back and forth. I squeezed the back of the chair I was leaning on. “I’ve never lied to you before,” I said as evenly as I could.
Kai grunted. He pushed a few printouts around on the table and shook his head. “Yeah, but you lied about this,” he said flatly.
I felt like a pile of shit dressed up in a fancy suit. I’d hurt my best friend. Usually, working together at the office was like a dream come true, but now I’d gone and ruined that, too, and every time we were in the same room, it went like this.
Kai shoved the paper aside and stood to full height. “I just thought River was doing so good,” he said. “Do you get that? I was proud of him, and you two treated me like I’m a fool.”
