Somehow, the conversation evolved into a fierce debate about hot dog toppings and the appropriate level of toasted that a bun should be. Probably, the fact that everyone was able to get along so well had to do with all the deep history we shared. Even though Shawn and Cass were strangers to River, and my brother and my old best friend had only met Kai when they moved to Pittsburgh recently, we got along like a family.
After dinner, we gathered around the fire. I sat slumped back in my camping chair, and River took a spot beside me, sitting cross-legged on a blanket he spread out. I was pleased that he had chosen to sit there, even though it felt frustrating that I couldn’t reach out, take him in my arms, and deposit him in my lap the same way I watched Cass do with Shawn.
“I’m glad you’re taking a break from the city,” River said. He spun a marshmallow in his hand, then took a big bite out of it, the white sugar sticky between his lips.
“Yeah, I’m glad you came along,” I said.
River reached out and very carefully laid his hand on the back of my calf. He gave me a soft squeeze. My heart jumped to my throat, but I could see that no one else around the campfire noticed.
We sat there in silence for a minute as River stroked the back of my calf and trailed his hands down to my ankle. Tangy smoke drifted through the air, and in the open sky above us, countless stars glittered.
Just that one touch grounded me. It pulled me into the beautiful night and banished all my other worries. Things weren’t perfect, but River and I were there together, and because of that, everything else seemed okay.
He finally let go of my leg, then stood. “I’m off to bed,” he announced.
After a round of slightly tipsy goodnights, River wandered to his little tent. A short while later, I realized how tired I was and decided to head to mine.
I unzipped my tent, then found a comfortable spot on the bumpy ground. I could hear the laughter of the other guys, still sitting around the campfire. My favorite people in the world were there, happily enjoying the night together, but my heart still ached.
The man I wanted in my arms slept soundly in the tent next to mine, his whimpered breath gentle in the night as I tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep alone.
Chapter Sixteen
River
“Ow! Shit! Ow!”
Kai hopped on one foot and held his ankle. We were all down at the water, just starting a lazy day. Shawn was in the middle of telling me about the Trifid Nebula, a cloud of star dust he promised to show me in the night sky that evening, while his boyfriend rubbed sunblock on his arms.
“You okay?” I asked, jumping up from my seat. Kai was holding the ankle he’d injured in high school volleyball, which pretty much answered my question for me.
“I forgot my brace,” he winced, then glared at the ground. “Stupid stump.”
Leo appeared by Kai’s side and slid an arm around my brother’s shoulder to support his weight. It struck me that he’d done this before, just like I had, and a wave of satisfaction hit me, knowing that Kai was taken care of.
“We can get one at the drug store, right?” Leo asked. “Easy fix.”
“Probably,” Kai answered. He lowered his injured ankle and gingerly set his foot on the ground. “I didn’t twist it that bad.”
“Don’t worry,” Leo offered. “I can run to town and get it for you. You all just enjoy the day, I’ll be back later with some cold beers.”
“I should go with you to see what they have,” Kai said. “I’ll be able to make the hike if you don’t mind going slow.”
“No!” Cass interjected abruptly.
His boyfriend looked up to him, perplexed. “No?”
“I just mean that Shawn and I have a few things we need in town, too. Let us go.”
Leo tilted his head slightly to the side and shot Cass a look I didn’t understand, but relented. “Sure,” he finally said. “I guess that’s fine.”
Everyone shuffled around for a bit to make the plan. When Leo shot another funny look at Cass, I realized that he and I were going to be left alone together at the swimming hole.
Had Leo told Cass what was going on between us? I guess it only made sense. His other best friend was obviously a no-go if he needed advice on whatever we were doing, and Cass and Shawn both seemed like total sweethearts. They were definitely the kind of guys he could trust.
I just felt nervous that the conspiracy was getting out of hand. If everyone except for Kai knew what was up, that was pretty crappy of us.
And it wasn’t helping my guilt that I felt a little excited about this alone time Leo and I were about to catch. It was definitely bad form to celebrate my brother’s twisted ankle and the fact that Leo’s other friends were about to disappear.
