Chapter Thirteen
Clark
When Ezra and his boyfriends invited me over for an afternoon at their house a few days later, I gladly accepted. For days, I hadn’t even been able to concentrate on my novels. I’d just read a few sentences, then turn and stare at the wall again, thinking about Rip and about Mars and obsessing over the life they must share.
It felt infuriating. The fact that Rip would go on and have a happy and active dating life, while I kept fretting to myself and hiding from what I wanted…
“You don’t have to blame yourself for not dating,” Irving said. “Trust me, Ezra and I were in the same boat.”
Irving and Ezra sat together on one side of the picnic table in their backyard, each wrapped up in sweaters and puffy hats. Irving was just as geeky as Ezra, although he was fussy in all the ways Ezra was goofy, from his neatly trimmed and parted hair to his perfect posture. A few feet away, their boyfriend Brick was burning a pile of brush and sticks he had cleared from along their fence.
“Yeah,” Ezra agreed. “I hadn’t really dated anyone before these two, and Irving just had one boyfriend.”
“There are lots of reasons you might not get experience dating,” Irving said brightly. “What matters is that you accept yourself and your journey. You can’t change the past, but you can change the future.”
Brick threw another large bundle of sticks into the fire, then wiped the sweat off the back of his forehead. He pulled off the work gloves he was wearing, and when he joined us at the table, I tried not to stare at the way sweat gleamed on his tattooed skin or how ropey his muscles looked beneath his snug flannel.
“What about you, Brick?” I asked. “Did you think it was weird that these two had no dating experience?”
Brick chuckled. “I wasn’t really thinking about that,” he said. “I was such a blockhead back then. These two had to practically pound down my door to get me to pay attention.”
“It’s true,” Ezra said, perking up beside Irving. “We literally had to crawl through his windows.”
Brick shot Ezra a grin, and Ezra fluttered his eyelashes back. “Anyway,” Brick said, “once I finally paid attention, I couldn’t deny how special they were anymore. It was like having a gift dropped straight in my lap, and next thing I knew, I was in love.”
I nodded, frowning. “If you’re in love, then all the other stuff disappears,” I said. “But what about with me? I’m not looking for love with Mars, after all.”
Brick squeezed onto the bench between Ezra and Irving and casually threw an arm over either of their shoulders. “Why not? Could be love.”
I chuckled. I didn’t know Brick as well as the guys, and I still had trouble reading him sometimes. He didn’t talk nearly as much as Ezra or Irving, and when he did, he was so blunt and straightforward, it sometimes took me by surprise.
“I’m pretty sure it’s not,” I said. “But anyway, none of that really matters. If he’s with Rip, I can’t be with him, right? I mean, they’re best friends, and they hook up. I know you all are happy with your three-person relationship, but I definitely don’t want to be around Rip, so that probably means I can’t see Mars, either.” I sighed. “I think I need one uncomplicated boyfriend to start, before I jump into all of this.”
“Not necessarily,” Irving said as he tapped his fingers on the wooden picnic table. “Every relationship is different, regardless of whether it includes two people, three people, or even more. You won’t know what’s possible with Mars unless you talk to him about it.”
“Plus,” Ezra said, “you won’t know what kind of relationship you want, either. You’d have to spend more time with Mars to figure that out.”
The fire crackled, and the smell of smoke drifted through the air. I felt a little chilly in my light jacket, but I couldn’t help but notice how cozy the three guys were sitting across from me. Brick was such a solid block of muscle; I could only imagine the warm, safe feeling that Irving and Ezra must have felt cozied up with him.
“I just don’t think I’m up for it,” I admitted. “If I were to see Mars again, and he was still hooking up with Rip, I’d probably fall apart. Like, how could someone possibly avoid feeling jealous about a thing like that?” I scrunched up my lips into a frown, then shook my head. “I’m just not wired that way.”
Brick shrugged. “Maybe not,” he said. “You’re a smart guy, Clark. You seem to know yourself. But I’m just saying…”
“What?” I asked.
He stared at me for a second, then smiled. “I didn’t think I was wired for two guys like Ezra and Irving, but now, I can’t imagine my life any other way.”
* * *
Mars showed up to the park right on time. It was still early in the morning, before the first films would start at the movie festival, and the air was crisp and cool. I watched from my bench as he parked his truck, hopped out, and threw some quarters in the meter. He was wearing that same leather jacket he always wore, but he’d actually put on a thick sweater beneath it for once, as well as a black stocking cap.
Damn it, I thought.Does he always have to be hot? Does he always have to make me smile?
I watched him saunter over, sipping his coffee on the way, then awkwardly rose up to greet him.
“Hey,” he said, flipping his head back in a short nod.
“Hi,” I said softly, then shoved my hands in my pockets while we sat down.
