Chapter Six
Clark
I walked back into the living room with a bowl of potato chips, and immediately, Valeria and Ezra shoved their phones into their pockets. Dropping the bowl on the table, I took my eyeglasses off, then rubbed my temples.
“You’re the least subtle people I’ve ever met,” I joked.
“What do you mean?” Valeria asked innocently. She picked up a pink throw pillow with lacey trim and held it against her chest. “We’re just hanging out.”
“You’re trying to set me up a dating profile still, aren’t you?” I asked as I sat down in the armchair.
Ezra pulled his phone back out, then immediately went to fiddling with it. “If you’re going to act like a total Sherlock Holmes about it,” he said, “yes, I suppose we were setting up a dating profile.” He slid the phone across the coffee table, then adjusted his glasses while he smiled at me.
“I told you, no dating profiles,” I said, clicking my tongue. “It makes me feel exposed. All those strangers staring at me?” I shuddered and left the phone sitting on the table. “It’s not my game.”
Valeria pointed at the television and the PlayStation set up across the room. “Sweetie, that’s the only game you’ve had since we moved in together last year.”
I turned to the video game console and thought of all the nights Valeria had hung out in the apartment, challenging each other at our favorite games to pass the time. When we met at the arts high school, we pretty much immediately became best friends and had spent nearly a decade laughing together and acting silly. As she painted the walls of the living room bright teal and hung floral paintings all over the walls, and as I filled the shelves with my novels and cooked us massive pots of Italian food for dinner, it felt to me like life was perfect.
How could I possibly want more? Once other geeks like Ezra came into our social bubble, I felt like I had won the friend lottery.
Ezra perked up on the couch, then grabbed a handful of chips. “Did you tell Valeria about the hottie who flirted with you at the store last week?” he asked. “He looked like James Dean, but with more tattoos.”
“What?” Valeria squeaked. “I heard nothing about this.”
“It’s nothing,” I said, well aware that Ezra would probably go on about it all night if he had the chance. “I wasn’t interested.”
“How could you not be interested?” Ezra asked as he swooned against Valeria. “His face was alldark and stormy night, but his eyes made him look like he was going to eat you up right there. And then there’s the way his tattoos were gleaming on his muscles…”
Valeria giggled. “We all know you’re wild about the rough ones, honey,” she teased.
“I’m just not interested in that guy,” I said. “Not because of the look. I mean, duh, of course he was hot. But he was such a player. It was obvious he was only interested in one thing. Someone like that would never settle down with just one guy, especially when that one guy is a dork like me.”
“Hey now,” Ezra said, still leaning against Valeria. “Don’t forget that your very dear friend Ezra here has two boyfriends. Count them, one and two, Irving and Brick. Do you think our relationship is any less just because we didn’t settle down with one guy?”
“Of course not,” I said quickly. “You know I think your relationship is great. Irving and Brick are two of my favorite people in Seattle. But I think I need someone nice, quiet, and sweet to start my dating life off, and Mars was none of those things.”
“Mars,” Valeria cooed. “Even his name is sexy.”
“I know, right? Totally dreamy,” Ezra said.
“Maybe Ezra is right, Clark,” Valeria offered. “I mean, you could go out with this guy and not have to hook up or get married or anything. Maybe someone like Mars is perfect, actually. You could get over those first date jitters with someone you know you aren’t interested in long term.”
“You’ve got to practice dating somehow,” Ezra said. “Otherwise, when your dream man comes along, you’ll be too out of practice to do anything about it.” He leaned forward, then plucked his phone from the table. “Or else I could post this Grindr profile, and Valeria could turn on the OkCupid we made for you.”
“Absolutely not,” I said, jumping forward to snatch the phone out of his hand. I glanced down at the screen and saw a photo of myself, smiling behind the counter of the comic shop with my favorite shirt on, a vintage tee with a map of the solar system printed on the front. I stared for a second at the picture, then noticed the headline Ezra had written:Geeky Bottom, looking for love.
“Ezra,” I snapped, closing the profile. “I haven’t even figured out if I’m a bottom!”
Ezra shrugged. “Just a hunch I had.”
I sighed and rubbed my hands through my hair. I really wished it would be enough just to hang out with these two and to read my favorite novels and watch my favorite movies. But then I would start to think about the men I liked, and I would remember how much I wanted to feel the types of things that Ezra and Valeria had felt.
What it was like to be held in someone’s arms. How a man tasted, when his lips pressed against your mouth. His scent.
Things I knew I needed to feel, even though I feared I still wasn’t ready.
“How about this,” Valeria said. “You message that Mars guy who gave you his number, and we’ll promise to delete these profiles.”
