“I could use some help eating breakfast in the morning and getting the day started. I need to have something in my stomach to take my pills. But you have to let me help you out a bit, too.”
“If we need anything upstairs,” I said, “I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“That’s not what I mean, Rippy.” She paused, then laughed to herself. “I thought I was bad at stating my needs, but maybe it’s a family quality.”
“What do you mean?”
“I understand that you’ve been taking care of yourself for years, but I wonder if you ever took the time to ask yourself what you needed, instead of just hustling around for a little more money?”
“I’ve had what I needed for years,” I said, feeling a little proud of all I had accomplished. “I’ve got a roof over my head, three square meals a day, and sometimes even a few extra dollars in my pocket lately, too. What more is there?”
“What about a boyfriend?” Aunt Grace asked. “What about a guy to share your bed?”
I leaned back, kicking up on the back legs of the chair. “Trust me, I’ve got that sometimes, too.”
“I’m sure you do,” she laughed. “But it would warm my heart to see you with a serious boyfriend one of these days. Your family doesn’t have to start and end with me, you know.”
“I’ve got Mars,” I pointed out. “We’re family, in our own way.”
She tilted her head to the side, and when she squinted at me, the faint wrinkles around her eyes creased. “But nothing more?”
I chuckled, thinking about all the men I’d seen fall in love with Mars over the years only to have their hearts broken. “Even if I did want to settle down with him,” I said, “there’s no surer way to send him running. He’ll stick around for the rest of our lives, probably, but only so long as he feels like he can leave at any minute, too.”
Aunt Grace shook her head. “You boys,” she said. “You got so used to being hurt by other people, you never learned to trust yourselves.”
I frowned. “I’m afraid I did a lot more hurting than being hurt when I was younger.”
“It’s still a thing you need to deal with,” she said. “You can’t ignore the bad things that have happened to you, and just the same, you can’t ignore the bad things you’ve done, either. They’ll just come back to bite you in the ass, time and time again.”
I reached out, taking her hand in mine. Her fingers were slight and bony, but when she squeezed, I could have sworn I was a kid again, feeling the love that only she ever showed me.
“Are you going to tell me what happened to set off this latest episode?” I asked. “If we’re talking about facing our pasts…”
She tightened her grip on my hand, then sighed. “Just the same old problems, the same old heartbreaks.” She shook her head, then released my hand. “I learned how to spot the bad ones when I was young. Problem is, they always know how to spot me, too.”
I thought about Mars and how having him around had helped me avoid any horrible relationships over the years. “Breakfast in the morning,” I said, “and then maybe you and I can find some good men to date later in the fall.”
Aunt Grace laughed, then returned to her coffee. “I’ll enjoy the break from dating,” she said, then winked at me. “And I’ll do my best to pretend I don’t hear the bed rocking upstairs, too.”
