“Have you ever tried breathing exercises?” Ezra asked, perking up. “I know it sounds kind of silly, but it’s something my moms got me into. Whenever I was too worked up about something or freaking out about the bullies in my high school, I would just focus on my breathing. One slow breath in, one slow breath out, and the panic would go away.”
I chuckled. “Maybe. I’m not sure I really have time to think about my breathing when my back is against the wall, though.” A memory of being jumped at the bar the other evening came to mind. I was so startled when that man dropped his bottle and attacked me, I wouldn’t have had time to think about a damn thing except for taking him down.
“It sounds a lot easier than it really is,” Irving agreed, his voice warm and gentle. “Considering how tense your body gets when you talked about fighting, though, it might be worth considering.”
When he said that, I realized my shoulders were tightened up in a knot and that my hands were gripping the coffee mug. “I appreciate that you want to help,” I said, trying to relax my muscles. “People don’t change that easily, though, and you two don’t really know me that well.”
“Sure we do!” Ezra said brightly. “Even though you try to push us out, we know a lot about you. We know that you show up for other people and that you’re willing to put your neck on the line for what’s right.”
“We know that you’ve had a hard life,” Irving added, “and that most people haven’t really accepted you for who you are. That’s something we can both relate to, trust me.”
It was almost sweet the way they saw me. I understood that they had caught me doing a few nice things, and I was sure Lilith had spoken kindly about me. I just couldn’t let myself believe it. Thinking of myself as a kind person was dangerous. It was the kind of thing that got me killed in a fight.
“Breathing exercises,” I said, eager to move on from the conversation. “I’ll give it a try.”
I guess Irving understood I was done talking because he reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze. Ezra followed suit, then chewed on another piece of toast. “So,” he asked, “what’s your plan today, Brick?”
There were a lot of things I wanted to do with that day. I wanted to celebrate the fact that I had escaped the fight and the reality that I actually got to stay in this city, at least for a while longer. Usually, celebrating would mean a bonfire and a case of beer and an evening under the stars by myself. That morning, though, the only thing I wanted to do was celebrate with Irving and Ezra. If I had my way about it, I’d spend the whole afternoon in bed with them, sandwiched between those lovebirds and exploring whole new extremes of pleasure and restraint.
If they were tied up in bed, I could watch over them and take care of their needs and wants. No one else could get to them or mess with them. Just me. That felt pretty damn relaxing.
But the world wasn’t so easy as that, and I had a hell of a lot of business to work out. Finishing my coffee, I patted Ezra’s leg. “Well, I’m broke and out of an apartment,” I said, “and just about everything I own is collecting dust in the back of truck. It seems like there’s only one thing I can do.”
“What’s that?” Irving asked. “You going to look for a new place?”
“I’m doing the one thing I should have been doing the past couple of weeks. I’m going to work.”
* * *
For once, the Saturday at the Steel Rose was actually busy. The band setting up in the back was decent, and for a late summer day, Seattle was having enough sunshine and warmth to get people out of the house and looking for trouble. By early evening, there were a few motorcycles propped up out front, a small crowd huddled in the back, and enough people at the bar that Lilith actually needed the hand.
“Thank god you came back,” she said, joining me behind the bar. “If I had to deal with these grumpy regulars alone tonight, I probably would have shot my mouth off.”
I shrugged, tossing the towel I had been using to dry glasses over my shoulder. “I’m just glad you were willing to have me. These tips are adding up, and I need to get together enough to rent myself a new apartment. Those motels are cheap, but I’m pretty done with holing up.”
Lilith chuckled. “I can’t imagine it’s much worse than your last place. Don’t forget that I saw that dump.”
I held my hands in the air, joking that I was offended. “It was my dump, though. A dump you can call your own is a lot better than a dump you’re paying a nightly rate to crash in.”
Another couple of regulars came up, and Lilith and I busied ourselves opening their beers and pouring them shots of bourbon. When they were all settled up, I noticed the way she was staring at me out of the corner of her eye, her pupils darting my way under the bright green eyeshadow she wore.
“What?”
She shrugged. “Just noticing you smile.”
I licked the back of my teeth. “Sure, I’m smiling. I just had my debt to Frisk forgiven. Wouldn’t you be smiling?”
“I’m not so sure that’s it,” she said, swiping up the couple bills left in tips and tossing them in the jar behind the bar for us to split later. “You started smiling a few weeks ago.”
I knew where she was going right away. “Yeah, yeah. It’s good for me to get laid, just like you always said.”
Lilith scoffed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “If that’s what you want to call it, sure. Judging by the way Ezra and Irving kept nosing around in your business, it seemed like a lot more than a fun hookup to them.”
“Trust me,” I said. “It’s a very fun hookup. It’s so good, in fact, I’m not surprised they came sniffing around for more.” I thought about the third round of fucking we’d gotten up to the evening before and the way their lips had felt when they both tried to swallow my cock at once. “Very good,” I repeated, grinning wolfishly to myself.
“Damn, Brick,” she said. “For a guy who always has one eye on the door, you’re pretty clueless when it comes to those two. They’re into you, man, and in a real way. As far as I can tell from my spot over here, you’re pretty damn into them, too. Why don’t you just admit that?”
I thought of the two of them rolling around together. They looked perfect in Irving’s bed, like they belonged there, and I truly couldn’t imagine them apart.
