She hadn’t lost Debra. She’d simply met her at the wrong time.
And now, since everything had fallen apart, Billie allowed herself to believe that knowing the difference was its own kind of healing.
Debra satat a window table in a wine bar close to the museum, thankful for a moment to breathe. Lucille was at the bar ordering for them, but Debra’s mind was back on her run-in with Billie. She hadn’t known what to expect when they came face to face again, but she’d been pleasantly surprised by the brightness in Billie’s eyes and her smile.
Still, now wasn’t the right moment for her to reflect. She was on her third date with Lucille, and she wouldn’t disrespect her by sitting here thinking about another woman.
“White wine,” Lucille said as she lowered the glass in front of Debra. “I believe we’ve earned it after spending the entire day on our feet.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
As Lucille took a seat facing Debra, something in the atmosphere changed. She wasn’t sure, but it felt as though Lucille was trying to get a read on her.
“Is…everything okay?”
“You were quiet back there,” Lucille said as she brought her glass closer. “After we ran into her.”
“I was.” Debra didn’t pretend not to know who she meant. Lucille deserved the truth. “I’m sorry if that felt odd.”
“I wouldn’t say it felt odd, but it did feel…unfinished.”
That word landed with uncomfortable accuracy. Debra took a sip of wine, buying herself a moment. There was no point dancing around it. Lucille deserved more than that. “There isn’t a relationship,” she said. “Not anymore. Though, to be honest, I’m not sure there ever was one.”
Lucille tilted her head. “But there could have been.”
Debra exhaled slowly as she nodded. “Yes.”
“Is she the reason why you went so slow with me?”
Debra met her gaze, a slight crease between her brows. “I didn’t realise Iwasgoing slow.”
“You were, and that’s okay. I just don’t need to be anyone’s halfway point.”
Debra respected that, she really did. “I like you, Lucille. You’re kind, and you’re easy to be with…and I think under different circumstances, I’d have leaned into that.”
Lucille smiled faintly. “But you didn’t.”
“No. Because some part of me was still…elsewhere. Even when I didn’t want it to be.”
They sat with that for a moment, the bar filled with other people’s beginnings and endings. Debra had never led Lucilleon; it wasn’t her style. They’d just enjoyed spending time with one another. Had this been months down the line, then yes, she would feel tremendously guilty, but it wasn’t, and until today… Debra hadn’t expected to see Billie again. To see her looking so fresh-faced and at peace with herself, Debra couldn’t help but wonder whothatBillie Brown was.
“Do you think she’ll be around?” Lucille asked. “Still in your life.”
Debra thought about Billie standing in the gallery, composed and still unmistakably herself in many ways. She reminded herself of the way their eyes had found each other without effort, and she thought about how much had been said without a single word exchanged. “Yes. I think she will be in some way.”
Lucille nodded, as though that had confirmed something she’d already known. “Then I think we’d be better as friends.”
Relief washed through Debra. Not because she didn’t want to be with Lucille, but because she wasn’t sure she could handle feeling something for two different women. Not when one of those women was Billie. “I’d like that. I really would.”
“So would I.” Lucille lifted her glass. “And for what it’s worth, I hope she figures her way through whatever it is that’s been holding her back. You’re a catch, and she’d be lucky to have you.”
Debra smiled at that. “Thank you.”
They finished their drinks, the conversation drifting to lighter things. When they eventually stepped outside, the late afternoon air felt cooler against Debra’s face.
“Right, now just because we’re not dating anymore, that doesn’t give you the right to fall off the face of the earth. I expect a drink and dinner at some point in the not-too-distant future.” Lucille grinned as she pulled Debra into a hug. “I mean it, Debra.”
“I know, and Iwillbe in touch. I guess I just have some things to sort out first.”
