When she finally looked up and to her right, Debra was there, standing near the centre of the gallery and angled towards a sculpture. She was dressed in that simple way Billie loved. The soft jumper and dark jeans, her blonde hair falling around her shoulders. It was a little longer than usual, but it suited her. She looked happy and healthy.
She looked…like she wasn’t alone.
Billie’s heart stuttered when Lucille stepped up beside her and draped an arm around her waist. It shouldn’t have hurt, Billie had no right to feel that way, but it did. Just that dull ache and the recognition of a life that had continued without her.
Billie drew in a slow breath. Debra had rightfully moved on, but Billie hadn’t. She’d moved on from her past and the never-ending punishment of herself, but every night, she lay in bed thinking about Debra. She wondered if she was well; she wondered if she’d felt happier having Billie out of her life. This, right here, answered her questions.
Lucille fit beside Debra in a way that made sense, but Billie didn’t feel anger or jealousy. She felt…an understanding.She hadn’t been well enough then. Not for Debra, and not even for herself. The woman who had knelt and had collapsed inward under the weight of old conditioning hadnotbeen in a place to build something healthy. Billie accepted that. Still, her breath faltered when Debra turned, and their eyes met across the room.
Billie noted the surprise as it flashed across Debra’s face. Lucille had also noticed, following Debra’s gaze until she landed directly on Billie.
Billie straightened instinctively, an old reflex sliding into place but not meaning what it usually would. She liked to carry herself in a particular way in public, and that would never change. She smoothed her expression and crossed the space between them. She wouldnotflee, and she certainly wouldn’t intrude, but she could say hello.
She stopped a safe distance away. “Hi, Debra.”
“H-hi.”
Lucille looked between them, perceptive enough to sense history without being invited into it.
“Oh, sorry.” Debra cleared her throat. “You remember Lucille?”
Lucille offered a friendly smile. “Hi.”
“I do remember,” Billie replied, returning a smile of her own. “It’s nice to see you again.”
Lucille studied Billie briefly, then said, “We were just talking about how peaceful it is here.”
“Yeah. It has a way of slowing things down.”
Debra gazed at her, and Billie felt the familiar current spark between them. Not diminished. Just…tempered, maybe. “You look well.”
Billie held her gaze. “I am. A lot more than I was.”
Lucille sensed the intimacy of the moment and stepped back, giving space without leaving the room entirely. Billie noticed, and she appreciated it.
“How have you been?” Billie wanted to take Debra by the hand and guide her to a bench out of sight, but she couldn’t. She didn’t have that right. “You look great, Debra.”
“I’ve been…yes, I’ve been okay.” Debra smiled weakly as she looked down at the space between them. “I expected to hear from you at some point, but as the weeks passed, you know…”
“I thought distance was kinder to you. You didn’t need to see the mess I’d got myself into, and I didn’t want you to be a part of that.” Billie could only speak from the heart. “You said it would be a good idea for us to have some space, and I’m sorry to say that I don’t really know what an appropriate amount is.”
Debra nodded slowly. “I didn’t want you to vanish.”
“Perhaps not, but as time went on, I realised that I had work to do on myself. Until I was happy with this,” Billie said as she gestured towards herself. “Then I was of no use to anyone.”
“Well, you look remarkably better than you did the last time I saw you.”
“I really am.” Billie smiled, and Debra’s eyes brightened far beyond anything Billie had encountered from her before. “And I have you to thank for that.”
“Me?” Debra frowned.
“You came into my life and turned it upside down. At first, I believed it was for all the wrong reasons, but I’ve realised recently that I’m finally dealing with my past and I don’t let it rule my life anymore. That…I’m ready to find some kind ofhappiness that works for me. I don’t know what that looks like just yet, but yes, I’m a better person now because of you.”
Debra regarded her with a small smile, briefly glancing over her shoulder to where Lucille was slowly working her way around the room.
“Anyway, you should get back to your afternoon with Lucille.” Billie shoved her hands in her pockets and stepped back. “It was really good seeing you, Debra. I hope it works out between you two. She…looks at you the way you deserve to be looked at.”
As Billie turned and walked away, she felt that ache settle again, but the difference was that it no longer owned her. She understood now that being connected to someone didn't necessarily mean you belonged to them…and that love didn't always happen at the right moment.
