Debra’s palm slid up Billie’s chest, grounding her. “You’re not in your own head.”
Billie stared at her as her throat welled with emotion. It shouldn’t have been that easy to undo her. Debra barely had to touch her to pull the truth out of her body like a thread. “No, I’m not.”
Debra’s gaze softened further, if that was even possible, and then she kissed Billie. It was slow at first, then Billie kissed her back harder, her hands tightening around her waist as her body lit up with a now recognisable need.
It wasn’t even about sex. It was aboutcontact. About being wanted without fear. About tasting the same mouth again andknowingshe was allowed.
Debra moaned into her mouth, then her breath caught, and Billie melted into the couch. Her hands slipped down, her fingers spread over Billie’s hip, until they worked their way under the hem of her hoodie. Billie shivered at the contact, and Debra smiled against her mouth as though she was proud of the reaction she’d just caused.
“D-Debra…” Billie whispered.
Debra kissed the corner of her mouth, then moved towards her jaw. “Mm?”
Billie’s fingers found the back of Debra’s neck, holding her there and keeping her as close as she possibly could. Debra moved again, putting more weight on Billie as her knee nudged between Billie’s legs. Billie’s breath stuttered. It would have been so easy to slide back into that heat and lose the rest of the day, to stop thinking and start taking. To treat Debra like someoneshe didn’t quite deserve yet, because Billie was still greedy, still hungry, and still learning how to love without trying to devour.
Billie felt the moment tipping, tilting into something that would be hard to pull out of once it started, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. Not because Debra was too much, but because Billie was. Because she could feel herself reaching that point where emotion and want tangled so tightly that it became dangerous.
So Billie pulled back.
Debra blinked, confused at first, her lips bordering on swollen and her eyes a little glassy. “W-what?—?”
Billie sat up until Debra shifted off her a little, her hand still resting on Billie’s waist as though she wasn’t willing to let go. Billie’s hands were shaking, and she hated herself for it. Not because she was afraid of Debra, she absolutely wasn’t, but because she’d never been less afraid of anyone in her life.
Billie swallowed and dragged a hand down her face and Debra’s expression changed immediately. “Hey. What is it?”
Billie shook her head. “I’m fine.”
“Billie…”
Billie exhaled. God, she really didn’t want to cry again. She didn’t want to keep turning into this woman with tears and a broken voice every time something wentright. But she’d spent so long believing good things weren’t for her that her body didn’t quite know how to hold onto happiness without shaking.
She looked back at Debra and forced herself to speak, to…be open and honest. “I need to say something.”
Debra stilled completely. “O-okay.”
“I’m going to make you happy.”
Debra opened her mouth to respond, but Billie cut her off with a gentle squeeze of the hip.
“No.” Billie leaned forward, her fingers curling around Debra’s jaw. “Let me say it properly. Please?”
Debra’s eyes softened again as she nodded.
“I’ve spent years thinking I was only good at certain things. Control, being untouchable, being…impressive.” Debra’s gaze flickered over Billie’s face. “And I thought that meant I was safe, because if I was impressive enough, nobody could get close enough to hurt me. If I’d hardened enough, I wouldn’t bleed.” Debra swallowed when Billie’s thumb brushed the corner of her mouth. “But I don’t want that anymore. I don’twantthe old version of me back. Not even if she was easier.”
Debra’s hand slid up Billie’s forearm, grounding her.
“I want to come home to you…when the time is right. I want to lie like this, half-dressed and watching stupid TV with takeout on the coffee table, while you ask about my day and Iactuallyanswer you.I want to know your routine. I want to know what makes you laugh when nobody’s watching.”
Debra’s eyes glistened, but she didn’t interrupt.
“I want tolearn youproperly. Not in stolen moments, or in chaos, or in the middle of my own panic.” Billie’s voice cracked, but she forced it to steady again. “And I’m going to prove to you that I’m worth it. That I’m worth the risk. Because I know I made you doubt that, I know I hurt you, and that’s something I’llalwaysregret.”
Debra’s bottom lip trembled. “Billie…”
Billie shook her head again, even as her eyes burned. “Irefuseto lose you to my past, Debra. I refuse point-blank. We’re going to be happy. I’m going to let myself have you, and I’m going to let you have me. Fully and without fear. God knows I’m sick and tired of fear.”
Debra stared at Billie like she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. Then her hand rose, those soft fingertips brushing Billie’s cheek, a thumb swiping beneath her eye before a tear could fall. “You’re already making me happy, Billie.”
