Fuck, I really need to sign those papers so I can get home and clear my head.
“If it wasn’t that big of a deal, why did you break up with me?” she asks with her arms crossed and a very quirked brow. Still has that sass, I see. Nice to know some things don’t change. “Right after I confessed my love to you, of all times.”
“Things had been happening the last couple of weeks we were together that brought him back to the forefront of my mind. It honestly had me spiraling a bit.” I pause, more words waiting on my tongue but I can’t seem to say them.
“There’s more, isn’t there?”
I avert my eyes, making a shitty attempt to see if there’s anyone around us that might hear me. “Demi, I was your therapist.”
“That was before we did anything. And I came to you and basically begged you to do what we did?”
“I should never have said yes. It was unethical and if anyone ever found out, I could lose my license. I’d never practice again. The weight of what we were doing was heavier than you realize.”
Her arms fall to her sides and all the sass she was sporting is suddenly gone, leaving behind a deeply furrowed brow. “Please tell me you weren’t worried I would haveeversaid anything toanyone. Raegan, I would never–” She sucks in a breath. “I loved you. I would have never done anything to hurt you. Even now, I still wouldn’t. I couldn’t.”
My head shakes side to side as I mutter, “I know.”
Another bottlenose dolphin swims overhead, lingering just above our heads and we both direct our attention to it, watching him sail through the blue water that surrounds us.
Her neck is craned upward still, when I redirect my gaze back to her. Despite the seriousness of our conversation, she’s now watching the adorable water animals with wonder and curiosity. It warms a part of me–deep down–I’m not sure I knew existed.
“I should have told you I loved you then.” When her breath hitches and she doesn’t look at me, I know she’s fighting her emotions and likely holding back her tears. “And I need you to know, I never stopped, Demetria.”
She swipes her hand quickly across her eyes before turning to face me again. “What am I supposed to do with that information? It doesn’t put me back in your arms. It all feels a little too late.”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry if I made things more complicated for you. I just needed you to know.” If I thought it would work, I’d get on my knees and beg her to take me back. But, I refuse to get in the way of whatever she has going on with Hayes. “If you still get release from a certain type of activity, I’d be willing to bet that Hayes would help with that.”
I’m prepared for her to deny what I can see with my own damn eyes. Just like he denied it. I’m an expert in people–not that it would take one to see there’s something there–and I didn’t even have to stretch my imagination to see it.
“Raegan…” My name glides off her tongue, then trails off.
“Don’t try to sell me bullshit about your sexuality.” I snap. “You like him and he clearly likes you back. It doesn’t matter how you’ve always classified yourself and it doesn’t have to matter what parts either of you have. Nothing says you can’t have him if you want him.”
“Except that he’s your husband.”
I reach my hand out to grab hers, squeezing it tightly. Heat rushes through me and my blood pressure skyrockets at the contact. It takes every bit of restraint I possess to stop myself from pulling her into me and kissing her senseless.
Would she stop me?
It’s a risk I can’t take. I won’t.
Our gazes lock as she squeezes me back.
“I won’t get in your way,” I assure her, clearing my dry and scratchy throat as I attempt to get each word out.
“I appreciate the sentiment,” she retorts. “But I saw the way he looked at you when he saw you the other night. I doubt he shares it.”
21
Demi
Atwinge of what feels like a cramp flits through my lower abdomen, signaling my period is imminent.
Great.
I just need it to hold off until tomorrow so I can ride out my misery in peace.
It might explain why my brain is a swirl of emotions, though. Like someone took a bowl of thirty-two of the most confusing ones and mixed them together like some fucked up version of emotional superman ice cream. Then tossed it into my head and flashed the peace sign before disappearing, leaving me to sort it all out like I’m just supposed to know what to do with it all.
