“But I can do it. I don’t need you to fight them for me. I promise I’ll do better,” she cries.
“Baby, it’s not about being better. I only want you to be you, becauseyouare worthy andyouare enough.”She’s so much more than enough.“But until you see that for yourself, and believe it, we’ll be stuck in this never ending loop of you being hurt, and me making it all better, without anything ever getting fixed.”
Her head hangs low as quiet sobs wrack her body. I’ll never be more pissed off than I am at myself, at this very moment.
I’ve hurt her and I can only hope one day she’ll forgive me.
“Please,” she begs between sobs. “You said you were going to teach me. We’re not done yet.”
She’s grasping at whatever straws she can get her hands on, but there’s nothing she can say to change my mind. Besides, she doesn’t need me. She’s got everything she needs, inside of her.
“My sweet girl, I only unlocked the door. You’re the one who walked through it. You don’t need me. You never did. I may have taught you how to bemysubmissive, but you were born with the basics. I didn’t teach you shit, because there was nothing to teach. Not really.”
“What can I do? Please.” Tears stream down her face and her eyes look more blue than green in this light.
I could tell her the answer, but I need her to figure it out for herself.
If she does, I’ll be here waiting for her.
“My mind is made up, beautiful. It’s done.”
Arabella
Doesn’t he realize he’s breaking my heart in two? Does he care?
“No,” I spit angrily, moving closer to him and pounding on his chest. “No. No. No. No. No. Fuck you. You don’t get to take me in, and show me this whole new world I didn’t know existed, just to dump me back into my shitty life! Just no!”
I’m still wailing on his chest when he grabs both my wrists and pulls them down to stop me from hitting him.
“Hate me if that’s what you need to do. I accept that,” he grits through clenched teeth.
My chest is still heaving as I try to pull my arms from his steady hold. He doesn’t even budge as he holds me where he wants me. We face off in silence, and I stare up at him looking for any sign that I’m being punked. But I don’t find what I’m looking for.
“Where am I supposed to go?” I whisper in weak resignation.
“I spent the day fixing up your apartment, so it’s not such a shithole for you.” When I pull myself away this time, he releases me and I turn away from him. I can’t handle him seeing me cry like this any longer. “Your rent is paid up for the next six months. You can keep your job at Gravity. I’ll be working from home for a while, so you don’t have to worry about seeing me. Jake and Roxie can handle the bar in my absence.”
He’s really doing this. It hits me like a brick wall to the face. I should have seen this coming.
No one stays.
“I thought you were different, but you aren't.”
My mother’s words start swirling in my head like a tornado.You’re too much. It’s all your fault. If you lost some weight,you’d have a boyfriend. You’re not enough. You’re not worthy of love.
“You told me I was enough.”
“Baby,” he takes a step toward me, causing me to take a responding step back. “You aremorethan enough.”
“If that were true,” I blink slowly upward to meet his eyes. “You wouldn’t be throwing me away.”
62
Ryker
She’s gone. I offered to let her stay the night and I’d help her get settled in her apartment tomorrow morning, but my stubborn girl refused. She wouldn’t even let me load the car. By the time she walked out the door for the last time, she was definitely in the anger phase of her processing. I stayed out of her way, but I’m not sure if that was more for my benefit or hers.
My heart has officially ripped in two, and it’s my own damn fault. There were about a dozen moments where I almost took it back. Her tears are my biggest weakness and all I want to do is fix her pain.
