Chapter 19
Daniel
It was midnight, and Daniel was growing restless. Usually he enjoyed this time alone, with just his own company and the expanse of inky ocean, but tonight he couldn’t relax into it. He had tried everything – tuning in to the country music show he liked, reading his book on the manufacturing history of the Apache helicopter, even casting that downloaded episode ofBirds of a Feather– but nothing would calm his racing thoughts.
He was annoyed that everyone was hell-bent on confiding in him. Vicky, Dudley, Ore, even Chuck – everyone wanted him in their confidence and he found the role nothing but stressful. At around quarter to one he decided that it wouldn’t hurt to leave the wheelhouse and stretch his legs for a little bit. The boat was on course and on autopilot. It wasn’t technically allowed, but everyone seemed to be overstepping at the moment, so he would too.
Daniel wandered out into the night. It was cool and he took a moment to revel in the silence of the waves. The constant hush quieted the frantic thoughts in his head slightly. He wasn’t a man taken to strolling without purpose, and so he decided to lap each of the three main decks and then head back to his post.
As he walked the perimeter of the second deck, he wasstartled to find a figure hunched over the dining table. He would have to pass them if he wanted to complete the circuit, but he was reluctant to talk to anybody. As he dithered, the figure turned, the blue-tinged light from her open laptop shading Agatha’s face a ghoulish grey.
‘Sorry to interrupt – I’ll leave you to it.’
Agatha was certainly not someone who would soothe his jangled nerves.
‘No, don’t apologise. I shouldn’t be up anyway …’ She sighed heavily, and Daniel worried that he was unwittingly inviting a confessional. ‘How are you doing?’ It had not been at all like what he had expected her to say next. He was momentarily stunned.
‘Er … I’m OK, just having to man the boat overnight as we re-set course … for …’
‘Ahh yes, the Barrier Reef; sorry, I didn’t even realise that that would affect you like that …’ She shook her head softly, her vacant gaze crying of exhaustion. ‘I’m sure Chuck doesn’t have a clue either – not that that would make a difference.’ After a beat she seemed to register what she had just said. ‘God, that was … you didn’t hear that from me.’
She laughed nervously and looked up at Daniel, an almost pleading expression on her face. She looked young, thought Daniel. Her severe, dark-rimmed glasses were holding back her pencil-straight fringe, which was sticking up at odd angles, and something about seeing her face so exposed made her seem barely older than a teenager.
‘It’s OK, I’m not going to tell anyone. I have no interest in gossip.’ He had meant it sincerely, but she laughed, and he felt like he had done a good thing. She shut her laptop.
Daniel stood awkwardly. He wasn’t sure what the politest way out of this chance encounter was, but Agatha turned her chair, and then the one beside her, leaning back and looking at him expectantly.
‘It’s OK, I don’t bite. I just … Would you mind just sitting with me for a moment? I feel like the only human company I’ve had recently is someone I work for – which doesn’t count.’
Daniel took the seat, scooting it back and slightly further away from her. Before he had even settled, she began.
‘I guess what I’m trying to grapple with is, will it ever be enough? Where does it end? If I do a bad job … Well that’s basically not an option, and if I do a good job, that’s just setting the bar even higher, and guess who has to clear it next time? Me.’
She folded her arms and huffed. Daniel felt that he was supposed to say something in response.
‘How long have you worked for Chuck?’ An innocuous enough question.
‘Just under two years. I started straight out of uni … well as an intern originally and then he offered me the personal assistant role, which was not exactly what I had in mind but, well, I could hardly say no …’
‘Why not?’
Agatha looked at him like he was deluded. ‘You don’t turn down a job at Pagonis; everybody else on my course would kill to work there.’
‘Is working for Pagonis the same thing as working for Chuck?’ As soon as he said it, he realised that it sounded pointed. He hadn’t meant it like that – he was genuinely confused about corporate structuring.
Agatha looked so dejected, Daniel worried she might start crying. ‘No, I guess it’s not,’ she said quietly.
Daniel’s attempts to stay out of everything were failing. He could see that, and even if he didn’t like it, he couldn’t keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. He’d read somewhere that that was the definition of madness. In the spirit of remaining solutions-focused he decided to try an innovative method. He leant in slightly.
‘I didn’t mean to upset you, Agatha,’ he began tentatively, but as he saw her face brighten, he felt emboldened to keep going. ‘But you shouldn’t worry – you’re obviously very bright, and doing very well for yourself. You’re probably earning more than me.’
Agatha beamed, her mood transformed. ‘Probably,’ she said. Daniel decided not to dwell on the overtone of smugness. ‘I just wish I was a little more appreciated.’
‘If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?’ It wasn’t a wholly appropriate question, but his curiosity was getting the better of him.
‘Twenty-four,’ she said warily, ‘but I’ll be twenty-five next month.’
‘You’re still so young, Agatha, and I think that part of being that young, and in your first job, is that you have to pay your dues, often without much fanfare.’ He remembered Jack, the first officer who had trained him as a bosun, saying something very similar when Daniel was feeling particularly impatient about proving himself.
